Episode 74: Leap vs Regulate

Join Emily as she explores the two contradictory messages - do we choose to honor our nervous system or do we make the bold leap?

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Transcript

If the stretch is too much for you, where it really makes you feel unsafe, and it really makes you so aware of the lack and feeling like you can't trust money, and money's not showing up for you, and money's just always leaving you, and there's never enough. Well, then that big, bold move or that big leap is not going to catapult you forward.

Hi, welcome to the show and thank you so much for being here. I wanted to share an incredible free resource with you that's been a money game changer for more than a thousand women and a few men too. My money wounds quiz will quickly diagnose your top money wounds, and then you'll get access to a free masterclass on how to heal them.

I get comments all the time sharing how life-changing this resource is, and no one can believe it's free. Just go to moneywoundsquiz.com to get started.

Hello and welcome back to the EM Makes Money Show. Today's topic is something near and dear to my heart as a money healer, a money mentor as a business coach, and it is going to be particularly potent for people who are tapped into the coaching industry whether or not you are a coach or whether you're someone who consumes coaching and follows coaches and buys from them. What I want to invite us into is a discussion around when do we honor our nervous system and choose to regulate our nervous system, and when do we. The leap, when do we do the scary triggering, but hopefully expansive thing?

And so what I often see are these two different messages that seem contradictory. So you'll have some coaches and industry leaders that are talking about making big, bold moves and leap, and the net will appear and you go first and the universe responds. If you wanna start charging, you know, $30,000 for your offers, then you need to go hire a mentor that you pay 30,000 or more dollars.

And it makes it seem very transactional or sequential. Right? Which is I leap, and then there's the net. I do the big scary thing and then I get the transformation. I'm here to say that that is sometimes true, That is sometimes true. And on the other side of it, we're starting to see more messaging around people who feel like what I just described is manipulative and is harmful and causes nervous system dysregulation.

And that it's important to feel safe in your financial moves and to move forward and make investments from the place of having a regulated nervous system. And I am here to say that that is sometimes true. And so this can be a tricky space for us to be in, where it's like, well, but I want one to be true and one to be false.

I used to struggle with this for years because I followed a spiritual path and the teacher in that spiritual path has written, you know, dozens of books and is just a very prolific. Author and content creator. And so you can do a lot of consuming, and there were messages that seemed to be contradictory.

Like on the one hand there would be messages around like, you know, no effort is wasted, like, Every little thing that you do gets recognized and like God loves you and appreciates you for that, and you're building good karma and there's a spiritual payoff for even the smallest efforts. And on the other hand, there would be messaging that was more like, No, you have to stick to the program and like you need to do everything as it's outlined.

And it felt like. Any effort below that wasn't enough. And it was like, well, which is it? Like, do I have to do energization exercises twice a day? Do I have to sit and meditate morning and night? Do I have to do prayer and then visualization and then these certain breathing techniques and like that's the standard and I have to do that?

Or is it that every effort matters and every effort's important and it's. And that I'm enough as I am. And those felt so contradictory to me. And I was always drawn to the version that was like, Here is the standard. You need to live up to it. And so I carried a lot of shame and self-deprecation when I wasn't living up to that standard and I wasn't really letting the other messages around.

You know, every little effort is good land for. . And what I finally learned after just years and years and years of personal development and self-development is that it all comes down to discernment. So I wanna get back to the topic of money and investing and hiring a coach or mentor, or making a big investment in yourself or a big investment in real estate, or starting a new business-like, and this idea that there are sort of two different camps.

Do we leap or do we regulate? Do we go for it and make the big, bold move and freak ourselves out, but hopefully get the transformation on the other side? Or do we only move when we've got a regulated nervous system? And so again, the key to determining what the appropriate move is for you is discernment.

And what I have noticed is that when we look through the lens of money wounds, which is my work. We tend to gravitate toward the message that perpetuates our wound thing. Okay? So if you have a disappearing money wound where the money is like spent, as soon as it hits the account, you will often gravitate towards messaging that's.

Just leap and the net will appear. Just go. Just do it. Just make the big, bold move because it almost feels like a justification for you to continue taking the same wounded action, which is getting rid of your money before your money can abandon you. If you have a. Money wound, you are more likely to gravitate towards the messaging of regulate your nervous system and only move forward with a regulated nervous system because that perpetuates the safe money wound, which is like, Oh, I'm just gonna hold onto my money and I'm not gonna make the move because I feel safer having my money than circulating it.

So this is why I really believe that discernment can only be done in conjunction with money healing, because we have to understand what our wounding is and what that makes us most susceptible to so that we can start healing the wound and start seeing it for what it is because the truth. Both messages are good circumstantially for certain people, so the safe money-wound people actually can benefit the most from the messages of like, just make the move.

Just go. Just be bold, Just leap. Because we have a tendency to move slower and more cautiously, and so that messaging is really for us. The disappearing money wound folks who are spending it before they have it and are caught in debt cycles and scarcity cycles and not feeling safe with money, although they're the most susceptible to the message, that is like leap and the net will appear and just make the big, bold move.

The messaging that's actually for them is the messaging around nervous system regulation. It's like, we gotta honor and take care of our nervous system in this. We can't just leap all the. And throw ourselves into these cycles and patterns where we feel so much scarcity and we feel totally dysregulated and totally unsafe.

Like it's important to create safety first and then take some action from that place where we can breathe through it, where we can hold the vibration of safety and expansion and empowerment as we make those decision. So that nervous system regulation message is really meant for people with the disappearing money wound.

So it's sort of a sick joke or a ridiculous cosmic setup that we are often most drawn to the messaging that just perpetuates the wound. Rather than plugging into the message that allows us to stretch in the way that we need to stretch, because here's the thing, when you make an investment when you make the big, bold move, it can be very transformative.

So for me, part of investing in the Unity Mastermind where I was paying $10,000 a month, even though my coaching business was brand new, is it allowed me to become the version of myself that had a very healthy, thriving, profitable coaching. Faster. And so I was able to transform more quickly through that investment.

But I had to be able to hold that stretch and not have it send me into nervous system dysregulation and into a complete tailspin where I just felt so much scarcity and I felt so unsafe, and I totally felt like I didn't belong and everything else. So for me, the right amount of stretch. Was making a $ 10,000-a-month investment when we had more than six figures in our bank account.

So I knew that in an absolute worst-case scenario, we were draining all of our personal savings, but I knew where the money would come from to make that payment, and I trusted in myself to make it back over time. So it felt stretchy and it felt transformative. , but it didn't send me into a complete dysregulated tailspin.

Now what can happen is if you are susceptible to, I'm just gonna leap and I'm just gonna go for it and I'll just figure it out if the stretch is too much for you. It really makes you feel unsafe and it really makes you so aware of the lack and feeling like you can't trust money and money's not showing up for you, and money's just always leaving you, and there's never enough.

Well, then that big, bold move or that big leap. Is not going to catapult you forward. It's going to invite you into a transformation, but the transformation's going to be painful AF because the transformation is going to be hitting a rock bottom, being so stressed or have things go so upside down financially that until you see.

That doing it from a dysregulated place doesn't work. You're gonna get the very painful lesson of that. Now, the tricky thing is that I can't tell you what the right amount of stretch is for you. Probably no one can. That's something that you have to discern for yourself. So it's like, For example, if I only had a hundred dollars left in my account, going to Lululemon and buying a hundred dollars Lululemon leggings so that I can feel like a wealthier version of me probably isn't going to work because I need to hold the vibration of being the wealthier version of me that wears Lululemon long enough for that version to come into my 3D experience.

What will likely happen is that maybe I feel great in the moment of the purchase. Like, Oh, this is a wealth upgrade. This is a new version of me. Oh my gosh. And I might even feel that high or be able to hold the faith for a few days, but then all of a sudden it's like, Oh my God. There's no money in my bank account and there are bills that are bouncing.

I'm getting notifications from my bank left, right, and center that transactions are not clearing. I tried to use my debit card to buy something today and it wouldn't go through. I'm so embarrassed. Ugh, this is the worst. I feel like such a fraud. I can't believe I'm walking around in a hundred dollars leggings and I can't even buy a coffee from Starbucks.

So you see how that actually sets you back? because you can't hold the stretch and you can't hold the vision and hold the new frequency and vibration long enough for things to catch up and really start to change. And instead, you feel so dysregulated that it feels like a step back. Like I feel more broke than ever before.

I feel more embarrassed than ever before. I feel like more of a fraud than ever before. So I'm giving different examples so that you can kind of feel into this because for some of us, discernment is a muscle that we have not flexed very often. And so rather than using our internal guidance system, And noticing our feelings and being keenly aware of, okay, am I afraid and it feels like a yes in my body and I'm just also scared?

Or does it feel like a no in my body? And that's coming through as fear. I think those are hard things to discern if we haven't gotten good at tapping into our feelings and being the observer. Especially if we don't know our inner authority and human design, cuz that can be a really helpful tool in order to better understand how we make decisions from an aligned place.

And so we often want discernment to come through and save the day on these big decision, but we really haven't been in relationship with our inner authority and our feelings and our discernment on even the smaller things. So often with my clients, I will invite them into just getting more keenly aware of making decisions around food and around plans for the weekend and things like that, where the stakes are not so high.

Because that allows us to build trust, and that trust can carry us into the higher stakes decisions in a way that we can't otherwise. And so when we lack trust in ourselves, and particularly around financial decisions, we will often outsource our. So we'll be looking for permission from others. So we might want our spouse to sign off on something, or we almost want them to make the decision for us as to whether we should make the investment or not.

And we will also outsource our power and authority to other people that we put on a pedestal and that we put in positions of authority. So that might be a wealth strategist, that might be someone that helps us manage our finance. , or it actually might be like the very coach that we're looking to invest with, where we're wanting to be convinced, we're wanting to be manipulated from their marketing.

We're wanting them to sort of decide for us, and so when they write a post that's like, Oh my God, this is gonna be the best thing ever. My clients are already making so much money from. I'm not gonna share all the details with you. You just need to make a big, bold move and you just need to leap and jump into it.

Then we wanna do it, but we're not doing it from an empowered place. We're doing it from a damel and distress energy where we're looking for that coach to be our savior, and that type of messaging feels like, Oh, they have the answer, and I don't. So all I have to do is pay them and then I'm going to get this transformation and I will tell.

That that is the recipe for disappointment. That is a recipe for buying a lesson rather than the transformation, because when we purchase from a misaligned place, we always get the lesson, and the lesson is, Oh, when I'm in my damel in distress, I don't get amazing abundant outcomes. From that, I get a very lackluster, mediocre, or even a backwards result because the real lesson for me is to come back to trusting myself and trusting my inner authority.

And so often we learn those painful lessons through making misaligned investments, but we've gotta use our discernment because the seemingly contradictory messaging will always exist, and it will always exist because there are people that de need both messages. There are people that need the push-off. 

That are being too cautious, are moving too slow, that are not taking risk that might even have hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank account, but they're afraid to invest in themselves and in their new business, or to really go all in. And they need that push and they need that reminder that we have to leap first before the net appears.

and there are also always going to be people that need the messaging around nervous system regulation, and that when you are making big, bold moves and you are investing in ways that are misaligned, that your nervous system is going to freak out and it is not going to end well. The end of that story is not going to be, And then I made a bunch of money and I was so happy I.

It's gonna be a painful lesson in coming back to your knowing and trusting in the amount of stretch that's appropriate for you. And sometimes the absolute stretchy thing to do is to say no to the thing that you want because you're choosing to put more money in the bank account. You're choosing to give yourself a safety net.

You're choosing to give yourself a cushion, and that is something that's very honoring of our nervous system. That appreciates having a little bit of buffer so that life can happen and everything isn't right on the razor's edge of enough versus not enough. So thank you for coming to my TED talk on leaping versus regulating.

I would absolutely love to hear your feedback, what you got out of this. If you had any aha moments about the ways that you've been thinking about investing or the ways that you've been consuming messaging and. I hope that this invitation to really start flexing the muscle of discernment and starting to notice for yourself how do I actually feel?

And starting to honor your inner authority and starting to analyze. What the right amount of stretch is for you. These skills will prove to be so beneficial. They will really carry you through a lifetime of incredible decision making and abundance and achievements. So let me know how this landed for you.

I hope you all are having a wonderful week, and I will talk to you soon. Bye. Listeners like you make this show what it is. So thank you for tuning in. Please subscribe, leave a review and share this show with someone you love. I always appreciate listener feedback, so feel free to slide into my DMs on Instagram at and EM Makes Money as well.

And if you wanna explore hiring me as your money healer and business mentor, head to emilywilcox.com to explore. Until next time, I'm sending you all the magic money vibes.

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