Episode 41: How to Shift Beliefs at Lightning Speed with Emily Wilcox

Emily talks about why and how you can shift self-limiting beliefs and release negative patterns quickly.

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Transcript

Hello and welcome back to the Em Makes Money Show. Okay, this is a fun one today because I am going to talk to you about why and how you can shift your beliefs. So quickly, there is a common misconception that it takes a long time to remove a false limiting belief that it takes a long time to install a new belief. And particularly if it's something that we want to release, that's been a pattern for a long time in our lives, right. So there's this feeling of like, oh, wow, if I've been thinking this way, or acting this way, or perpetuating this habit perpetuating this limiting belief for 1020 3040 years, then Holy smokes, it is going to take a long time to release, right, I'm going to have to work really hard at it. And I understand where this feeling comes from. And I had it myself. 

I think there's this sense of something that we've done for a long time means that that habit or that belief is like superduper extra strong. And so when I was doing some inner child work with the help of a coach, what I started to learn is that all of these places where I thought that I was acting out of a place of sovereignty, I was actually just perpetuating patterns from childhood is actually playing out dynamics from my parents marriage and my marriage, right? Like, there were all of these different things that were sort of childhood wounds or childhood coping mechanisms that were still very present in my adult life. And I think I was like 35 at the time that I was doing this work. And I remember having this very disorienting feeling of like, everything that I thought was me. So many of these behaviours are actually not mine, they're not actually core to my identity in the way that I thought they were. And so it felt super disorienting. It felt like kind of lifting one anchor, but not having another anchor down yet, right. So you're just gonna like drift along at sea.

I definitely had a little bit of like a discouraged sort of feeling of like, oh, man, now I'm aware. And I almost wish I wasn't aware, because I'm 35 had been perpetuating these patterns since childhood, while shit like it is going to take such a long time to shift these things. And I'll give you an example. I had this need to be right. And what I learned is that it came from childhood and feeling like if I was right, or if I was like perfect, although for me, it really had more to do with being right. If I was right, then I would earn the conditional love and approval of others, particularly my parents, but also teachers and other adult figures. And so this need to be right started becoming like a part of my life in ways that were not very healthy. And it would play out in my relationship, particularly in a way that I didn't like if I was really being honest with myself, like I didn't like the way that I was behaving. And I was pretty sure that Jeff did not like being on the receiving end of it either. So like for example, we might be driving to a restaurant to go have lunch and he passes the place that I thought he should turn instead of not saying anything because the deed is done and he is about to turn you know one street up who cares at this point, you wouldn't want to turn around and go back to the place where I thought we were supposed to turn right because you're already at the next street up. It's he's already doing the thing that he had in his head to do but it was like and almost neurotic need to say something and to try and correct him and say why the unspoken idea I had in my head was the better one. And it was like so such a strong impulse that even though I knew sometimes that I was being petty that I was being unhelpful, that I was being annoying, like, I didn't even like the way I was behaving, and I still had to do it. So that was a behaviour that again, I was able to connect through the doing this inner child work to this feeling of needing to be right, why did I need to be right, because I needed to learn earn the love and approval of others. And I didn't feel that it was safe for me to make mistakes, I didn't feel that it was safe for me to be an imperfect human. So I understood the problem. And yet, there was a feeling of like, oh, man, great, now I'm extra aware of what a neurotic bitch I'm being and yet, how long is it going to take for me to repattern this, and I will tell you, I was remarkably surprised by how little time it took, what I found was that the awareness was actually like 90% of the solution, just becoming aware of it. And understanding the root cause was like 90% of the way of releasing it. The last 10% really had to do with me doing my own work around giving myself love giving myself approval, giving myself acceptance, and giving myself the grace to make mistakes and be human. So some of that was done through affirmations, and some of it was done through just like more of a self love type of practice. But that was really only 10% of it. So much of it dissipated just by having an awareness to it, and it felt too easy.

I remember saying to my coach, like man, I'm noticing myself in situations where I would have had an impulsive need to correct or nitpick or make my solution the right one. And I don't feel that way at all. Like it was almost a bizarre like out of body experience while I was observing myself feeling and behaving totally differently. And I said to her, like, I almost feel like it's one of those temporary things or like you're on a diet and it feels so good. Like, oh, I'm gonna eat this way forever. And then you end up off the waggon, right, like a couple weeks later. And she was like, no, no, like, once you're awake, you don't go back to sleep, you can now see this for what it is. And there's no going back to being asleep and not being able to see it. And she was absolutely right. It truly released. And it released, in a sense very effortlessly. Now it has to take to fully say effortlessly, because look, I did hire a coach, I did pay 1000s of dollars, I did show up for the sessions and really do the work. And she had me journaling, like, I will tell you that when I worked with her like I've never cried so much as I've cried in my life. So it wasn't like there was no work. But the work was in the unearthing. And once it was on earth. And once I could look at it for what it was poof, it was gone. And so I was on a client call today. And a couple of my clients were resonating with this idea that it's difficult to just release an old limiting belief. And I get it because of the story I just shared with you like I have held that belief as well that like, well, if it's 30 years in the making, it's gonna take a long time to undo. But now I know from evidence that is in fact not the case at all. So I want to talk to you about why it's not the case, because I believe that the more evidence we have in understanding why we can just instantaneously shift things, the more empowered we will feel. So the first thing is that this belief, this thought pattern, this habit, it's not like it's been there for 30 years, because it's so strong, like it's needed all of this time to build this complex root system. And now it's going to be absolutely impossible to dig it up or pull it out right because it's just remarkably strong. It's had 30 years in the making. No The reason it's been there for 30 years is because it's just been hanging out in the subconscious mind. It hasn't been looked at hasn't been looked at it hasn't been examined. It hasn't been cross examined or questioned. It hasn't been felt there hasn't been an emotional release. It's just been sitting there so it would be like let's say you had a bag of clothes from your teenage years and it was sitting down in your basement or up in your attic on looked at an untouched for 1015 20 years. Are those clothes more difficult to release to give away to donate? Because they've been with you for 10 or 20 years? Or is it just that you forgot they were there? And you never looked at them? And you never thought about? Do I actually want to keep these? Do they still bring me joy? Are they still useful in my life? It's the ladder, right? It's not that they're hard to release, it's that you haven't paid attention to them. You didn't know they were there. One day, you decide that you're going to go down to the basement, and you're going to do a little bit of cleaning, and you flick the light on in a room that you haven't been in. And all of a sudden, you see that bag of clothes sitting there. And it's like, oh, geez, I'm still holding on to clothes from 10 years ago, when I don't even like the style anymore. They don't even fit me right anymore. Okay, Let's donate these. I don't know why they're here. It's that simple. It's the same thing with our thoughts. When they're in our subconscious mind, they've just been hanging out for a long time.

It doesn't mean they're stronger. It doesn't mean they're any harder to release, it just means that they have not been looked at and examined. So I'm going to give you another example. Have you ever had an experience where you had something wrong with yourself like physically, and it wasn't bad enough that you had to go to the doctor right away, so you kind of just tried to live with it. And it was just a little niggling issue that hung out for a while. And then finally, you know, after like six months, you decide to go into the doctor, and they ask you questions, where does it hurt? Okay, does it hurt? If I move this way? Does it hurt? If I do this on a scale of one to 10? How much does it hurt? Do you remember when it started? Do you remember how you did it? They get all the information? And then they do something, they give you a little treatment? And it's like It's better. It's better in one day, and you're like, oh, my gosh, why did I wait six months to address this? Please tell me I'm not the only one who's had that happen? It's like, Why did I wait so long? Oh, if I would have known that it was just going to take the chiropractor doing this one thing or making this one adjustment, and I would get instant relief and feel so much better than why did I live with that nagging issue for six months? Just because it was there for six months doesn't mean like, oh, this issue is so much bigger. It's so much stronger. It's been with me for such a long time. No, it just means it was on addressed. It just means it was on addressed. And the same goes for our thoughts. The same goes for our beliefs. Who cares? If you've spent 30 years thinking that you really had to get your shit together before you could make a lot of money. Cool.

Are you ready to shift that belief right now? Yes, I'm ready to shift it great. Then let's look at this belief. Let's bring our adult self to this, who gave you this belief? Now you may not know. But let's say that you had a feeling like ah, I feel like maybe it was around like seven or eight years old. And you know, I remember this woman coming into our class and talking. It was like a career day sort of thing. And she was dressed in a suit. And she seemed so professional. And she was talking about making money. And I just had this feeling of like, Wow, if I want to make a lot of money, I need to be like her. And so ever since then I've had this feeling that like I really can't make a lot of money until I have my ish together until I feel very professional. Okay, so let's look at that. What's the underlying energetic signature? The underlying energetic signature is I'm not worthy of money as I am. Is that true? Is it true that the only people that are making money right now totally have it all figured out? They totally have their stuff together? They wear suits every day. They're fully professional. Is that true? 100% of the time. Can you think of anyone that makes money that receives money that not super professional? Oh, yeah. Okay, I can think of a lot of people. Look at Kanye right now. He is completely being borderline abusive to his almost ex wife like publicly, he's not being professional at all fact, he's being very unprofessional. Yet he still makes money, right? We can come up with a million examples. So now that we're actually examining this, we get to bring our adult logic and we can say that is not universally true. There are people that are unprofessional that make money there are people that don't wear suits that make money. Am I willing to feel more worthy of making money right now before this belief was keeping me safe? Because I didn't have to feel my unworthiness. Because in my mind, I just was waiting to get myself more professional. Okay, yes, I'm willing to look at this now I'm willing to work on my worthiness. Great. Are we ready to release this old belief that I can only make money if I totally have everything together? And I'm fully professional? Yes, I'm ready to release it. Great. Gone. Let it go. This is the part where we start to feel like well, why isn't it harder to let it go? Or it should be hard to let it go? Or it's going to be hard to let it go? And I'm telling you it's not it's not it's the bag of clothes from 10 years ago, where you flicked on the light and saw it and you're like, oh, yeah, I don't want that anymore. I'm going to donate it goodbye. You are an adult. Now you know so much more. You have so much more life experience. And the truth is we hold on to things from childhood that we didn't fully understand. At the time that we absorbed the belief we hold on to feelings, feelings of unworthiness, feelings of not being the chosen one feeling of being abandoned feeling of being unloved, we hold on to that stuff for decades, because when we were a child, we didn't know how or it wasn't safe to process those feelings. But now we're in adults, and it does not take a lot of time, you just have to look at it, you have to create a safe space to allow yourself to feel it, you get to cross examine it, you get to poke holes in it, and you get to decide that you're ready for something new. And it gets to be that simple gets to be that simple. It's really a matter of deciding and allowing it to shift quickly and allowing it to shift permanently. Because once you wake up, you don't go back to sleep. Once you see the belief for what it is, oh, this was just a smokescreen for worthiness. It's like the jig is up, you don't get to go back to hiding behind that belief. Because now you know more, and you know what you're doing. And you're like, oh, this old thing where I'm actually just feeling not worthy of money, and I'm trying to create five hoops that I would need to jump through in order to make more of it. Okay, I know what this is all about. And then you get to go deeper into worthiness practices deeper into feeling more love for yourself more confidence, more feelings, that right now I'm worthy right now I get to receive more love more support more money, I don't need to weaponize this stuff against myself anymore. I don't need to create smoke screens, or hoops to jump through in order to try and feel worthy of the thing that I want. So things get to shift really fast. Now, sometimes where we get stuck is we don't know how to look at these things for ourselves, or we don't make the time.

And that's why I believe that coaching is so valuable. Because I know for myself, even with all of the tools that I have, when I pay for a programme or I invest in a coach, it really helps me to actually show up for myself, when someone gives me homework to journal on something I'm so much more likely to do it than to just do the journaling on my own. Having that little bit of accountability, that little bit of structure. Actually putting some money on the line helps me to really feel committed into actually creating space and time and intentionality to do the work. When you work with a coach in a container where there's some one on one. The reason that the quantum leaps happen so fast is that your coach is able to see things that you aren't so your coach will be able to very quickly help you to see like, ah, that's just unworthiness, rearing its ugly head again, like, Oh, dang it, you're right. It's in the things that you say that makes sense to you and your mind that when you say them to another person, like a highly skilled coach, they see it for what it actually is. And so they're more quickly able to get you to the heart of the issue and help guide you through the healing process help you to release that belief and instal something more empowering. And when you do that over and over and over again, you get a quantum leap. So that's the secret to working with a coach and why I still believe in the work that I do, and why I invest in coaches as well, because I love shortcuts, I like to go fast. I like to be efficient. And I know that when I pay and when I have someone else helping me that were just able to uncover and heal these things so much more quickly. So if you're listening to this, I hope that you walk away feeling super empowered, that you can permanently shift your beliefs so quickly. It doesn't have to be a slog, it doesn't have to take a long time. It's not like a one for one trade that if it took you 10 years in building that belief, it's going to take 10 years to release. No, you get to easily peacefully joyfully bless and release anything that no longer serves you. So as you're listening to this, if it's landing for you, please screenshot this episode, share it on social media, tag me at em makes money and let me know what shifted for you. That's all I've got for today. I hope you loved it. And I'll talk to you again soon. Take care. Bye.

Thank you so much for listening to today's show. Changing the way we think, feel and talk about money will change the world. I truly believe that it starts with you tuning in and it spreads when you share this show on Instagram and Facebook and tag me at M makes money and you know what moves the needle the most, taking just a minute to leave a five star review on iTunes. This show isn't free to produce. So let's multiply those dollars invested to help this show reach a bigger audience each week. Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it. And lastly, if you want more connections More Amix money style risks and a safe place on the internet to talk about money. Jump into my free Facebook group, the money club. It's linked in the show notes. Until next time, I'm wishing you health, happiness and boatloads of money