Episode 37: How to Feel Safe with Money + Celebrate Every Dollar with Kate Decker

Kate Decker a.k.a The Sparkle Bomb Coach is an intuitive coach and 6 figure business+success coach for women. Kate shares how celebrating small and huge milestones brought sparkle and abundance in her coaching business and personal life.

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The Em Makes Money Show.

Episode 37

Emily: Hello, and welcome back to the Em Makes Money Show. I'm so thrilled because I am joined here today by the gorgeous Kate Decker, who is an intuitive business and success coach. She leads women in designing their life and business through desire, intuition, and full embodiment to create limitless abundance. She is a manifestation queen, quantum leap expert, and a food junkie. She runs live and automated programs, masterminds, and in-person retreats, and she loves utilizing simple but efficient practices for business growth and integrating joy as a foundation for sustainable growth. That is my kind of woman. Kate, welcome to the show. 

Kate: Hello. Hello everyone. I'm so happy to be here.

Emily: Yeah. So you and I run in a lot of the same audiences and I love connecting with other women entrepreneurs that are building wealth, but I really integrating the feminine energy. Right. Really integrating the intuition, the joy. How do you actually feel in your business while you're building it? Have you always been into that stuff or did you kind of have to learn the hard way that the masculine hustle culture wasn't for you? 

Kate: Yes. And no. So when I started my business, I actually started happiness coaching because I was so deeply unhappy and I was so bitter, so burned out, so just like tired from my life and existing in everyone.  So when I started coaching, that was the first thing I was like, okay, I need to lean into the joy and the feminine and the feelings. And I was really working more on myself. And helping other people. I was like, doing me, first. And then when I pivoted into, like the business coaching, and a bit at the intuitive coaching, it was already like, that was already the foundation on top of that.

Emily: Okay. Yeah. I love that. That is, I think one of the unique things about coaching too, is that it's like, we go first, you know, and it's like the places where we're able to transform ourselves. And that being the really powerful places where we're able to help our clients a hundred percent. 

Kate: Yeah. I was talking to my husband the other day and I was like, you know, I think I'm in a coaching only, only, but a lot just because I just want to have the opportunity index schemes to work on myself constantly, because that's really what it is.

Emily: It really is, like, I think sometimes there's this misconception. That we're like coaching from this exalted place, like where we have these things all figured out, but it's like the truth is, anything that I'm like coaching clients on. I feel like there's also something in it for me as well. 

Kate: Yeah.

Emily: And maybe it's something that I've already processed once or a code that I feel like I've cracked, but because it's coming up for one of my clients, it like gives me another opportunity to look at it and see like, is there a deeper layer of embodiment now?

Kate: Hundred percent. Love those moments. When some clients hire me for business, they're like, all right, we need to grow the business. And then the conversations that we have are about things that they would never admit before, like their relationships or they're going through something really hard and they don't know how to navigate the business. And I'm like, oh my God, I've been through this and, really makes me happy. I'm like, I can help you. We didn't need to know about each of them that we went through. It. It's just, the connections are so beautiful and powerful how that works.

Emily: Totally, because it's like this idea that we can compartmentalize and, oh, I'm going to hire you as a money coach, but that's just because money is the beautiful carrot that we're using to then dive into the inner work, which we may talk very little about money for a while because we're really talking about self-worth or we're talking about feelings of deservingness or, fear of failure or fear of success or whatever the thing might be. But it's like the feminine energy is like, we get to sort of heal it all in parallel. And it's like for this Omni benefit where there's more money, but there's also more joy and everything else. \

Kate: A hundred percent I agree with that. Yeah. 

Emily: I'm curious, like anyone who has been an entrepreneur for a while, I feel hasn't gone through their own money story. And had to really like work on their own money beliefs. Can you just talk me through, like what some of that looked like for you?

Kate: I think it's going to be really good to hear for anyone who doesn't know me at all, I'll make it brief. But when I was growing up, I was in a family-like growing up in a family that just didn't have a lot of money in very much when with the belief. Oh, you were born to the scam lead. This is the circle that you have money and that's just gonna it, like you cannot break through and break free. They would always like, make fun of me when I was a little, I was like, I'm going to be so rich. I'm going to be so wealthy. Like I just know it and I'd be like, yeah, you're, you're just like keep dreaming. Right. Okay.  So then when I became an adult, I started obviously the whole entrepreneurship journey and all of that stuff. And there was a lot of things that I just didn't even understand money. So I treated money as monopoly money, and I ended up completely actually sort of bankrupt. I had to have my parents help me financially to fix something so that I don't get into a lot of trouble. And then I moved to the U.S. To just kind of take a year off everything, everyone get my life together in terms of who do I actually want to be. And long story short, I ended up getting married, staying here, even though I didn't blend on it. And I started a coaching business. And when I started a coaching business out of money, things started coming up like, who do you think you are, to like even want this? Right. Like I would sit down with my husband and I would tell him like, "Hey, I don't know why, but I've always had this feeling. I'm going to be a millionaire and. I don't know how, I don't know what's gonna  happen, but I just want you to know that this is the journey that I'm on". And he would be looking at me like I just fell off a tree. He's like, what are you talking about? Like, how are you going to be a millionaire? Like, I don't know. And I stood at writing a list of things that I could do, that was even before actually I started coaching and I was like, I don't know, I can sell things online, I can do things on Pinterest. Like I'm just going to figure something out. And eventually the coaching thing came about. What did I even found out that coaching is a thing that I could be a coach. And then I actually, one of the first coaches that I hired was Melanie and Layer. At that time, I was making $400 and my coaching per month and I paid $35,000 in full, for working with her. 

The first call that I had with her, I realized I spent a lot of money and I had absolutely nothing to build on. So with the money things, there was also a lot of pressure then to like, now I need to make the money. Like I spent so much money. I took out a loan for this. I trust my intuition, but also like, this is insane, this is crazy. So that was the, like, I need the money. So like working through the process of like the neediness and like clinginess to like every dollar and then being like, okay, like, this is fine. Like that was a lot of work to go through. 

Emily: Yeah. And I think you really  bring up a really important point. It's something that has been on my mind a lot recently as well, because, there is, this a lot of talk in the coaching industry and it's not just talk, there's actually a lot of action like yours, which is I'm going to spend ahead of what I'm making. Like I'm going to invest. And then I'm going to become the type of person who makes that investment. And I did the same thing, right? Like I committed to a $120,000 coaching investment with the same coach at a time when, you know, my coaching business was brand new. I had made like $12,000 total lifetime in coaching. I think sometimes people get that twisted and they think that it means that if I spend the money, then I'm going to make it, but I want you to talk more about it. What this transformation really was because it was you. What I'm hearing from what you're saying is you learn how to regulate your nervous system. And lady come, the woman who made the $35, 000, $ 36, 000 investment, but like, you really had to lead yourself through those moments where it was like, oh my God, what am I doing?

I'm crazy. I just took out this loan. Now I have all this debt, my businesses. 

Kate: Well, yeah, a hundred percent. So I think I agree with everything to be set and I don't think these types of investments are for everyone. And I don't think they're necessary or required for success, but at the point already of investing, I was so convicted that like, I don't care how long it's going to take me to make it back.

I'm going to be okay. And I'm going to get what I need out of this. I just felt like that pool. So when the money pressure came, it was like, it was just normal that it was there. But because I remember that, before I even made that decision. I was already in a place of knowing I don't care how long this takes.

I will be okay. I will be safe so that when those moments came up, yes, I like to learn how to regulate myself. And I talked about it with Melanie and with my coach and it was like, I am freaking out because we're coming up to the end of our term together. Like it was for six months of coaching at the end of six months, my highest one was 2,500. Right.

I didn't break through very quickly. The first year of that coaching, I made $42,000 and I invested about 60. So it was insane. And my husband, oh my gosh. I love him so much. And I don't know how he trusts me so much, ha ha. But he would be freaking out double and you'd be like, this is crazy. This is not sustainable.

Are you insane? You're going to drive us bankrupt. So I have to work through my stuff and I have to be like, really strong for me and then like work with him and like just essentially be the strong energy, not trying to convince. Or explain, but be like, I know what I'm doing. I don't know. But I know. So like there was a lot of that. And then I finally, I got to the end of the six months with Melanie and I was like, well, I didn't die some good. I also didn't make a 10 K a month and I'm okay. So now what, and I actually made the choice to invest with her again, I paid monthly at that point, which was insane, but it's because of those little steps of why it was becoming all of the work that I did in between. And I think this is so important. Like I was really listening to every call. Like I would be recording our calls sometimes and I'd be like, replaying them. Like, what did she say? How did she say it? Okay. But like, how does she talk? I was just like, so, doing the work. That's the second year of my coaching, I made $205,000. So from 42 to 1200 people are like, oh, that's insane. That's so cool. I'm like, but I did to work. Ha ha ha.

Emily:  Yes, you did. You did the working. And in all of those moments where it felt like it wasn't working, where there was no evidence of it yet, where your spouse was like, you're a crazy person. Like you were able to hold the belief and the faith, and that's why you quantum leap. And so, you know, we, you kind of mentioned. Like, I don't believe it's necessary. And I agree. I don't think you have to make these huge financial moves first. 

However, I think if you want to quantum leap, which you also don't have to do, but, that is what a quantum leap is. Saying we're on this timeline? We want to be this person that's on this other timeline.

How quickly can I collapse it to you? And it's like, you made the investment as though you were the person on this other timeline that had a $200, 000 business. And so, it took you two years instead of it. Maybe it would have taken who knows five, maybe you never even get there. Not everybody has a business that makes it.

Kate:  Oh, a hundred percent. And I do want to add to that is I just don't think everyone is the type of person who even wants that. And I think sometimes because we see a lot of people making these investments and we're like, oh wow! that's so cool. We don't check in that I want that or a Myer buddy for that, like, I think the reason why I was able to hold that energy for those two years was because I was like, I'm going to be this person. Like, no matter what, no matter how long it takes. And even though it was hard at times, I always liked coming back to that because like, that was already part of me. Yes. 

Emily: Yeah. And you made the decision based, like in alignment with your inner authority not because someone else did it. And so you felt it was a good idea. Oh my gosh. So did you already had a partner that thought you were crazy while you were making those investments and like getting your business off the ground? Did you talk to your family? Like, did you tell them about the moves that you were making at that time? Cause it sounds like maybe they already really had some limiting beliefs around money. 

Kate: Yeah. So I think for me, it's likely different because I do live on a different continent than my family. So when we do talk, we usually talk about, like the fun stuff and like memories, you know, and we'll make it very, very intentional. So not always like these conversations, have even, they just don't come up as much. They do know that I still mean they do. So crazy.  And they do also know that we're doing financially very well, because obviously, like I was able to, like this last summer, we went to see them after three years. So I was able to pay for a vacation for all of us and, like, take them to the spot town. And it was just like, so great. I feel like, me not being there, but them, seeing me from a distance exceeding is already helping them feeling better and more positive about money and like how it can work. So those are things that kind of like just come up or, you know, like we had this moment when we were in a restaurant like. Well,my parents bear uncomfortable to ask the waiter to split the check because it's not very common thing in Europe and it can be uncomfortable. And I was just like, got to ask for what you want. Like this person is going to get paid no matter what. So, you know, like it comes up in different ways of them being like, this is making me, they're uncomfortable that, okay. We are going to listen to you, you know, but from my husband's family, since they do live closer and a couple of funny things. When I had my first 29 K cash month, I obviously celebrated on Facebook. I was like, oh my God, I'm freaking out. This is incredible. Like, oh my gosh. And not like a few hours later, my husband gets a call from his spotter telling my husband that I really shouldn't be talking about money on Facebook, even though my husband doesn't have a Facebook. My father-in-law doesn't have Facebooks. It was like their neighbor told them a celebratory thing. And then he was, like calling to tell my husband to tell me that I really shouldn't be talking about money on Facebook because it's like, I'm professional and not cool. And I shouldn't be doing it because it's really dumb.

Emily: And I'm like, which is also like our worst nightmare when we really do start showing up and talking about business on social media. Like hopefully you had healed enough at that point that you were able to just kind of laugh it off. But at least for me, like when I started talking about money on Facebook, especially Facebook, Instagram, not so much, but like Facebook, I feel like is where all the family and all the, you know, old childhood friends and that kind of thing.

And it's like, yeah, Oh, my God. Am I really going to talk to them about money? And you imagine the exact same scenario that you basically went through, which is having your father-in-law call you up and like scold you. 

Kate: Yeah. I was very fortunate that at that point I was, like bearing much through those fears. So I was like, it's his projection. He's probably uncomfortable about the whole situation. Me, probably making more money in a month than he is, even though he likes all the steps that you're supposed to do in life and it's just not worth, I didn't even have a conversation with him.  It was just like things I know you're probably coming from some sort of good space, but I cannot take advice from someone who's not in the space because my husband is in the military. We move a lot, which means I meet a new group of people that are not entrepreneurs, often.  And I have seen a lot of people just not talk to me or unfriend me, or like, not invite me to things because I talk about business because I talk about money. And that was also hard when I was like here alone, trying to be nice, ha ha ha, and then feeling rejected because of what's my work and how I do it, but it's just not worth the compromising myself.

Emily: Oh yeah. That does feel tough. And like isolating, cause I know that in the military spouse community like it can be very tight-knit, but. The common paradigm is the wives stay at home with the kids and are not income-producing, or maybe they're doing like some network marketing thing, but they're not making bank as a business coach. That's not super common. 

Kate: It's not very common, but I will say I'm very fortunate. I think. Since I shifted from the energy. it's like the same thing I shifted from the needing the money to just like playing with it from the meeting, the friends and people liking me and to like, you know what, I'll be fine. I have such an incredible group of friends who are very supportive, very understanding. A lot of them are very entrepreneurial. So even that happens in the military.

Emily: I love that. Totally. And I feel a lot of women like having beliefs around that. Like, who's in their community. And that's something that I've challenged. A lot of people on, is like, call it in. If you think you can manifest money, if you think you can manifest other things, I'm telling you, you can also manifest local friends that are amazing and that get you, and that want to talk about money or want to do the goo goo style. I want to do a full moon ritual 

Kate: Yes I loved that.

Emily: And I've had people come back to me and they're like, you're right. Guess who I made a friend with? 

Kate: Yeah. They all come out of the blue and you're like, whoa! where are you at this whole time? It's just, it's wild.

Emily: I love that. I really do, particularly because I feel like as women, when we do feel supported by our network, and by our friendship. It really helps amplify our business results as well.

Kate: A hundred percent. 

Emily: So what's like a normal cash month for you at this point. 

Kate: It can range anywhere from 10 to $30,000, depending. Really. I think it's hard for me to answer that question last year and was very all over the place. Ha ha, because I was also changing a lot of things and I, I love experimenting. So because I had the like 200 K a year, which I built a certain way, I was like, I want to experiment. So, that would be kind of the range. I would say the average is between 15 to 20 as like a non-negotiable. And then there are a couple of higher months. 

Emily: I love that. And it's something that Melanie talks about too, which is like, she wants to discover how many different ways she can make a million dollars. And so like, I love that you're playing in your business because I do think that some of the old masculine paradigm. Can still infiltrate our minds and our belief systems. Right? And so there's this feeling of like, well, now I've figured out how to do it. If I want this outcome, I have to keep doing it this way.

Kate: A hundred percent.

Emily: And then for some of us, then we start to feel really bored or resentful or. 

Kate: Yes. Like at the beginning of last year, I was so bored. I didn't know what to do. I was like, I'm so bored. I'm not loved by this. Like, do I want to even continue or do I not? And it was just so weird because obviously I had a lot of things going on and I loved the things that I had going on, but at the same time, like it wasn't fun. So then from there, I was just started playing with the different ways of like, what can I do it? And if I only work maybe two hours a day, right? Or like, can I do this? Or if I'm selling super low cost things or high cost thing, because I also want to be the example for my clients that like literally any way is possible. So, yeah, definitely not bored here anymore. I love that. 

Emily: And I loved that. You gave yourself the permission and you were kind of mentioning before we hit record that you had a little story around making slightly less money in your business last year than the year prior. And I'd love for us to just talk about that because it's amazing. When we start talking about money and we start sharing and celebrating milestones, it's like, the fear never goes away. And it just turns into this whole other thing of like, oh my God. But now that I celebrated my first 29 K month, I can't ever celebrate anything less than that publicly because it will look like I am not being successful anymore.

Kate: Yes. Honestly, that was really hard. The first part of last year for me, I was okay with it for myself because I understood what was happening. I understood that I wasn't taking as many clients on purpose. At some point I closed off my private coaching for a couple of months, because I was like, I just, I don't know if I'm lifted up by this. I need to shift something right. There was this huge fear of like, what if people find out and like, they're gonna think I'm a failure. And it was really hard to go through that because I constantly liked it for a couple of months. 

At the beginning of last year, it was really hard for me in a lot of ways. And I just felt like I'm failing. And I was like, I'm just failing. I'm constantly failing. Even though I had like an 18 K month. Right. And I'm like, I feel like failing, like, this is like not good. Of course. I had like a low patch month, I had last year. That was one month that I had $5,000 a month and I was like, what's going on? Right. And then that was the moment when I was like, I just need to own who I am and what I'm building and how I'm building it. So I made some changes. I hired a different coach. It was more like, not that I needed the coach, but I was, I know it's for me, this investment is just like, for me to be like, we're joining this, it went back up in all kinds of different ways. And even though at the end of the year, it ended up being a little bit less than the year before.

I just feel so much stronger and so much more stable in the ways that I was doing it. Honestly, the year that I made 200 K. I don't even know how it was so chaotic. There was like, no system to anything. It was not sustainable to my nervous system. I definitely a couple of times went over my capacity and then I was a little burned out and I'm like, oh my gosh, what am I doing? I'm also a projector and human design. If anyone's into human design, that was just a lots, of last year. Just felt like I can breathe. I can do this. This is sustainable. Like genuinely, if I was just doing the same ish thing, I would be like, okay, I could have a family, I could have friendships. Like I could have kids.

I don't have kids yet, but I just like started creating that mental and physical space.  And then I started working more on my own health and just all of these things. I'm like, yeah. Do you remember the year? It was a little bit less, but my life got better and now I can have like, Bogan built this up because I have the capacity for that.

Emily: I love that so much, and I'm so glad that we're talking about it because it often is those things that we're so afraid to talk about where we've created this weird story around it, that leads to our failure in demise and no one ever hiring us again, like when we actually share it, it turns out to be like such a permission slip and it actually magnetizes the right client to us. I would imagine that you've probably gotten new clients that want to learn how to better align themselves in their business and want to feel like their businesses more sustainable mana, like recapture the joy and not feel bored. And it's like, if you hadn't shared that story, they wouldn't have found you and you sharing like financial wins or whatever like that, wasn't going to do it. Cause that's not the thing that those clients were looking for. Of course they want the money, but it's like, how, how are you making the money?

Kate: A hundred percent.  And I think in same moment for me was when my clients towards the last year, ask me inside of an, a mastermind call. And they were like, I was celebrating a milestone. I was like, what is the milestone? I told them. And they were so excited and they didn't think twice, but if it was a few thousand dollars, less or more, right. And that was just like, look like they don't care. Ha ha ha.

Emily:  I'm glad that you said that, because that brings up an interesting point, too, which, you know, in the work that I do around money, what I'm constantly noticing and what this conversation is bringing up to me is there are so many places where we diminish money, where we decide that it's not worthy of celebration. And this one that you brought up is really important. And it's one that I haven't talked about before really thought about which is. The money that's less than the money that we made before, who decided that's not reveal of celebration. And do we think that by not celebrating it, then money is going to be like, oh, oh, okay, let me just bring more of my friends to you so that now you'll celebrate.

Kate: Exactly. And like, at the beginning of this year, I was going through my journal entries and  stuff like that. And when I was writing things, and  I would just like, notice this theme of the first half of that year, feeling ashamed, feeling so bad, feeling ashamed, that income, just going to like very just dwindling or going down and I'd be like, well, go figure.

I don't even understand how is it, like, why was I feeling so bad? And of course this is what was happening. And then there was a very clear path when I just decided that I want everything to feel like a miracle again. Because that's really what it is at the beginning. Like when I had my first 15 k month, I was like, oh my God! even when I had my first 2,500 a month, like that month, I was like money. Right. And I'm like, I just want that. I want that. And it doesn't matter how much it is if it's more or less, I just want to feel that magic. And I really made an intentional and configure things are working better. Right. Different exponentially. Better. 

Emily: Yeah. Uh, I love that so much. This right here feels like a huge money key, which is like just allowing ourselves to celebrate all of it and allowing ourselves to lean into the part of it that is miraculous. Whether or not it's a new record, or if it's just feeling really good about each little piece of it. 

Kate: Absolutely. 

Emily: So it must have been so incredible to be able to like buy your family and entire vacation, feel like the most abundant thing in the world. 

Kate: Oh my gosh!  It felt so wild. It felt so good. Only buying the vacation of the whole process of where do we want to go and realizing, oh, look, we can do anything. I can choose whatever I want here for us. And I was like, literally choosing not based on how much money you was, but like, what do we want to do? And there's this spot on essentially in the Czech Republic where I'm from. And I was like, we're going to go there. Because it's beautiful. And it's just like so perfect. And I was like, literally, like, do we want to stay in this castle? Or do we want to stay here, like, oh my God! this is like wild. We didn't end up staying in the castle because they didn't have good spots, services refer to spots. And we stayed in like another super bougie hotel and got them like a beautiful room. And it was just like all a Royal. And they were so excited. Also, my dad was like freaked out a little bit. That it's all right. Like you can enjoy it. You can have fun, but yeah, it just felt so fun. And I just love my mom is such a great receiver when it comes to like gifts and surprises. So when I told them she like totally freaked out and started squealing like a little girl and I'm like, I feel so good, so beautiful.

Emily: Oh my gosh. That's so incredible. So they must be so proud of you and everything that you've built to share it with them. That's amazing. What are some of your favorite little exercises, rituals, anything that you do? Um, just to like be in relationship with money and call more of it.

Kate: I think,  honestly, I like everything simple as like in my business and my teaching.

So my favorite thing is always just playing with the, what if it does work? But if something happens, like what if someone comes out of the blue and wants to hire me today? What if someone pays in full? What if someone does this and this? I just like to play with all of these possibilities and all of these different, crazy scenarios. And it just gets me so hyped up that I'm like, it doesn't matter what happens. I'm already super happy. And the one connected with that. Is just the sentence that I repeat a lot to all of my clients is just because I don't know if it's possible. It doesn't mean that it's impossible. There's just so much in that. And like every single time that I remember, like, just because I don't know if this could happen doesn't mean that it couldn't, and it's just such a playful, the Lexus size. So, yes.

Emily:  I love that exercise so much.. Because it does put us like in playful co-creation and it's not like the sort of old masculine business principles of okay. You want to make this much? Okay. Well, how many clients do you need to bring in at this much per client with.

Kate: Literally you've been saying it jokingly. My heart is like, No. I can't. 

Emily: It just feels so bad. It feels constrictive instead of expansive. And it's like the, what if game has gotten you this far and who knows where it will take you over the next year, two years, five years, probably beyond anything that you can even vision into.

Kate: I was so excited. Literally getting so goody as a child, because it is like even today. Okay. Maybe I'm weird, but, I was driving from the gym in the car. And it was like a song I don't even know. I think it was the one step in front of the other or something just started playing. And it was like crying in life because it's so wild. I could not have imagined. And it's both like, yes, the business and the money, but like everything that comes with that. Even now we're getting ready for another military move and we're like looking at these like huge houses and I'm like, oh my gosh. I like, literally never thought I would live in such a big house. And especially like now, before we even need it or before we have kids, just because we really loved space and it's insane to me. 

Emily: Oh. That's so amazing. I love it Along your journey to wealth. Did you have to heal any parts of you that felt like you weren't worthy of it?

Kate:  I mean, hundred percent. I did hire multiple coaches for healing specifically.

I think the very first one was actually, even before I hired Melanie, I heard a mentor to just kind of help me to work through some like trauma, my family, and like the trust and like the trust. Being happy, which isn't necessarily connected to money, but like allowing myself to be that and to feel whole. And then the second one was really about being comfortable, being seen and not waiting for other people to essentially like, tell me what to do. Like not looking around, like who's their authority, what's the right thing to do. And stuff like trusting myself and like wasting that over, which obviously like reflected to money because once, I was able to just be me, it magnetized people, right. 

When I was able to like, be okay with being seen and speaking up and saying things, it's like it magnetized people, but I just had such a, like a little girl, energy around dad because when I was a kid, I would, as a projector, I just see things differently. I wanted to help people and trying to give my parents advice as a child, which I think was still a good advice, but they were like, the adults are talking and I don't blame them, but I just carry that energy with me.

I'm like, no, the adults are talking. So I'm like, not adults. I'm just going to wait for the more successful go to say, and then I'm gonna see what I'm gonna say. You know what I mean? So like that energy was the biggest hurdle I would say in terms of that.

Emily: Yeah. That's so important. Were there any beliefs to clean up around, like trusting yourself with money or trusting money?

Kate: Yes. Oh my goodness. I'm so glad you're digging it out of me. I love it. I don't even probably remember on regular basis, but yes. So the first thing is that I could be very emotional spender. So when I still lived in the Czech Republic, like all the money that I would make, I would immediately go spend it. On Starbucks on new clothes and things, because I quote-unquote, the servants was like, I deserve this, I deserve this treat. And then I would be like, almost not able to pay my rent. So I would just like overspend, overspend, overspend. 

So I really had to retrain myself to trust myself the purchases that I'm making. Are intentional that I am actually thinking it through and the longterm that I feel that I'm asking myself, like, okay, if I kind of like, look down the path, how would it feel to have done this? Like, am I going to be proud of this purchase? Or am I just spending this? Because it makes me feel good for a moment, right?

Emily: Yeah. 

Kate: So that was huge on my goodness.

Yeah, I totally forgot about that one and would help me with that was having like a money system that allowed me to kind of, like you know, what can I spend on the fun stuff and what I'm going to spend on some different things. So that was one. And then the second one was definitely the inner sense of safety.

So that's where I did a lot of the embodiment somatic embodiment work, because it would literally like money would feel unsafe. Right. And that was also probably the root of why I was spending it so quickly because it just didn't feel safe to hold it. So I would be a lot of, a lot of breathing, a lot of like handing, you know, hand on my heart and just like feeling, being with the money and the things that I would do, or literally like meditating was a hundred dollar bill closing my eyes and like putting it in front of me, like, I felt so unsafe that the money is just going to, like disappear. 

If I close my eyes and there was a very somatic experience, even though that makes sense, right? It's like the windows were closed. No one could have come like nothing logically, but it was such a fear. So I did a lot of that, like breathing and reminding myself that I'm safe and, just like slowly, gradually kind of tapping back into that. 

Emily: I love this so much. I'm so glad we're speaking to it because I'll tell you, like, I've worked with clients that have this unhealed and it's like, yeah, I had $200,000 in the bank and now there's 15. And it's like, it's the same pattern that repeats. And the only thing that changes is the magnitude, depending on how much money we have.

And so it's like, I love that you were able to recognize it and really say like it doesn't feel safe to have money and you grew up without enough. And I think often it's like the default is I actually feel better. Not everything, anything it's like the conscious mind doesn't like it, the conscious mind is like, no, no, no, no, no, I want money, but the subconscious is like, but I feel safe and cozy with no money. Cause I know what that's like. 

Kate: A hundred percent. And it's definitely a work that I'm still doing and like still getting comfortable with like, I don't think I am completely healed with that because I still catch myself sometimes like wanting to do something and I'm like, wait, do I want, so I still need to bring the very conscious mind of questioning my purchases are and stuff like that. And I think it's a good thing to have that,  the questioning. 

Emily: Totally. The good thing about money is that we have so many opportunities where we transact with it, that it is just bringing a noticing in ou awareness to it and understanding like what our money wound, are so that you can check in and be like, am I making this decision like in my sovereignty or is the old money wound, like running the show? And I kind of have the opposite. I have what I call a safe money wound. And so I have to challenge myself to spend the money because like I can just get in the mode of like, oh, I don't want to spend the $30 to upgrade to the exit row. Like, I'm fine. And it's like 30 damn dollars. Like, what does it matter? You're not even going to notice that that $30 is gone, but it's like, it's the little girl that doesn't feel safe with the money leaving. And so for me, it's checking in with my sovereignty and really stretching myself to allow money to circulate. And for you, it's sort of the opposite. But it's like, it's just two sides of the same coin.

Kate:  And the funniest thing that you said that my husband has actually kind of like you in that. So that polarity of him wanting to save everything and not get the good stuff. And maybe like, you know,  I think we kind of like, it took us a while to find some sort of like understanding, but it was very interesting because I totally didn't understand that. I was like, what are you doing? Sitting on your money? He wouldn't, he wouldn't even upgrade his like clothes. I'm like this. Cool. So to you, like, why is it five sizes too big on you? And like you had to since high school, like con 

Emily: Oh my God. Yup. Yup. And you know, and my husband, I have a similar dynamic, right. Just in reverse. So I think this is really common in marriages and in partnerships because it's like the part of me that wanted to feel more free with money and was attracted to that in my husband. And probably the part of him that wanted to feel more safe with money was attracted to that in me. Right. And it's like the same thing with you and your husband, but then once you're in the marriage, it's like doing the work of actually understanding each other. And doing our own inner work to own it because I projected all kinds of irresponsibility onto my husband. I was like, oh my God, if I'm not in charge of the money, he's just going to spend it all. Like it's all going to be gone and we're not going to have a roof over our head. And like I had all of these stories when it's like, really, I actually wanted to feel more free with my money. And that was part of why we were compatible. 

Kate: So a lot of our conversations. 

Emily: Yeah. So it's like once you can get to a healthy place where it's like, okay, he brings a little bit more of the safety and stability and you bring the fun and you guys find a happy medium and you challenge each other a little bit, then it all works.

Kate: It's all great now. 

Emily: Yeah. Oh, this is so fun. I didn't expect the conversation to go there. But, I think it's going to help a lot of people listening because we are naturally attracted to our, I don't want to say opposite, but just to a person that offers something that we're not accessing in our own lives.

Kate: Something that'd be desired and we don't have yet.

Emily: Exactly. Yeah. So this'll be fun. I'm expecting if you're listening to this and you're resonating, you've got to take a screenshot of your listening, tag, Kate and I and social media and tell us what's landing for you. And that brings me actually to my next point, which is that I know Kate, that people who have been listening are going to want to follow along with you and your story and see what you're up to. So where do you like to hang out on the internet? What are the best places for people to find you? 

Kate: Yeah. So, I think my favorite place right now is Instagram. My Instagram is right now at Kate Decker coaching and maybe changing. So, people trying to type in Kate Decker,  and then also on Facebook. Kay Decker, I'll be there Kate Decker. And I have a Facebook group, which I love, and that's where I hosted a lot of my free training and stuff like that. So it's all going to be linked, but the names it's so funny, I'm actually on the verge of secrets.

Emily: Like rebranding, everything. 

Kate: Which I didn't even announce to my audience. So now I'm like, oh, but that's all right. It's going to be, I think, announced by the time that this goes out. So this is happening. Yeah. 

Emily: Amazing fun. Yeah. So we'll make sure that the links are in the show notes so that people can find you and make their way into your social media audience and maybe into your group, if they're feeling drawn to that as well. And before we wrap this show, Any last piece of advice to anybody listening to this?

Kate:  Yeah. So try that. I just want to say thank you so much for being here. This has been incredible fun. I just love my cheeks are literally hurting from all the laughing. I think my best piece of advice is if you feel some crazy thing, like your mum to be a millionaire, just play with it, follow it, take it step by step. You don't have to take crazy step. It doesn't have to be a crazy step. It could be just literally step-by-step, but to go with it, you never know what you're going to discover. 

Emily: Yes. I love that. And it's like that little girl in you that wanted to be a millionaire. Like she's still here and I love that you haven't lost that playfulness and that dreamer. It is so evident in your energy though. Thank you for sharing that with us today. It's been such a joy to have you on the show and to everyone listening.

Thank you so much. Will talk to you soon. Bye.


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