Episode 23: All the Power You Need to Accomplish Your Goals is Within You with Emily Whiteside
Emily Whiteside is the Pleasure Queen. She guides women into sensuality, feminine energy, and radiance for more influence, magnetism and abundance.
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Emily W: The reason that we hire coaches a lot of the times is because we think that they're gonna fix something in us. They have a secret, a secret sauce, and I've heard my clients come to me and say, "You know, it's funny cause you're the first mentor I've worked with where I realized there is no secret sauce". You're not selling a secret. You're just selling, coming into myself. So then I can find the ways that work best for me. And I remember working with coaches like first year of my business when I didn't understand like I am the power and I hold the power.
I was working with coaches thinking that they were gonna give me a result and I wanted it to almost be like, they're my mother. Giving me exactly what to do every single day and how to do it. And of course, I wasn't getting the results and a lot of people will then blame the mentor for not giving them the results. But you're completely putting the power out of you then. How do you expect to make money to run a successful brand and business when you're blaming other people for not getting the results?
Emily: Hello beautiful souls, today's episode is so, so good. And before we jump in, I have some exciting news to share. If you've ever wondered where you're blocking money, this is for you. I've created a free quiz to diagnose your money wounds so you can heal them and unblock yourself to receive more money.
Just go to money wounds, quiz.com and answer six quick questions to get your insanely accurate and potent results. And if you're loving my vibe and want to work one-on-one to call in more feminine energy wealth, I would love to hear from you. You can shoot me a DM on social media or go to Emily Wilcox.com to learn more.
Hey, Hey, I've got such a juicy episode for you today. Quickly before we dive in. Many of you have reached out to ask how we can work together. And I do have limited openings to work with me via one-on-one private coaching inside the rise mastermind, and I've actually even opened up a few spots for human design readings. So if you're ready to step into feminine energy wealth, this is for you. If you're serious about ditching those old limiting beliefs, you're tired of having the hustle to grow your business and income, and you're ready to attract more money, joy, and ease from feminine energy, this is for you. If you're tired of being in control all the time and feeling the pressure of your business and your household, then this is for you. If you want to be relaxed and work in life, but don't know how without all the balls dropping, then this is for you. So head to Instagram or Facebook and send me a DM, or you can click the link in the show notes. Take the action now that your future self will thank you for.
All right, welcome back to the show. I am so excited to have Emily Whiteside here. She is the pleasure queen. She guides women into sensuality, feminine energy and rageant. For more influence magnetism and abundance. And I get to spend time with Emily inside of a mastermind and I can attest to her incredible pleasure queen energy. So Emily, thank you so much for being here. Welcome to the show.
Emily W.: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
Emily: Yes. And I feel like I should preface this just for anyone listening, that like listening in the car with kids around. My guess is that we are going to get into some topics that might be better just for adult ears. So just putting that little warning on there. Of course it means that it's gonna be super juicy and all around how we can play with our more essential side as it relates to money in business and intimacy.
Emily W.: Yes. I love the disclaimer. I always do that when I'm on like, doing, like a program, I'm like, I'm probably gonna say things that are not for kids ears. So make sure that you're in an alone space.
Emily: Exactly. Exactly. It's like, I love the conversation. Just wanna make sure that we're having it, you know, when everyone's consenting to that and there are little ears listening, so, so I would love for you to just start off by sharing, like how you got into this work.
Emily W.: It was a very long journey, but I started in this work actually as a fitness coach. I was at a place in my life where I just had enough. I didn't want to work at a, nine to five anymore. Didn't really understand who I was. And I think that my spiritual journey really started when my entrepreneurial journey started.
So I began as a fitness coach. I was extremely broke, never knew how it was gonna pay rent the next month, extremely chaotic with money. And then my fitness journey or my fitness coaching journey started to look a lot like life coaching, because I noticed that these women, that were, was working with.
It wasn't things that they actually needed me to tell them to do. It was that they couldn't do the things that they knew that they should be doing. And I was like, that sounds very familiar cause that's exactly how my journey was. I knew what to do. I just didn't know and understand why I couldn't hold myself to it and why I couldn't be doing it. And so I began guiding women just in empowerment and manifestation and spirituality. And then eventually it went into the business type of route and more spiritual type of route, which somehow came to the place to be the pleasure queen. It's so crazy to think back to all of these different versions of myself and all this, these different versions of my business, but it's very much a deepening of my own brand.
Emily: And I love that because it's like, when you start getting more into the inner work, of course, then you're attracting clients who subconsciously that's what they need as well. And then, you know, then you're starting to get into more focusing around like, how do I really build this business? And like, really scary. And so then that's what you're interested in thinking about and talking about, and you're attracting clients that are kind of into that. And then, It sort of feels like you realize that like this real self-love and deepening the connection to your true essence was sort of like the magic inside of your business.
Emily Whiteside: Absolutely.
Emily: So then naturally that's what you're wanting to talk about and share. And wouldn't, you know, it, there are other women in business who feel that exact same way or want to feel that way about themselves.
Emily W.: Absolutely. It's so beautiful when we realize that a lot of business is so much about just taking responsibility in ourselves and loving ourselves again. And becoming who we truly are, because I think for a long time, myself included. I can to try to be somebody else in order to get clients. And in order to build an audience and do all of the business things like I was following strategy and things like that. And it didn't feel good, but we're so trained to do the things that don't feel good, unfortunately.
Because we think the more we struggle just like dieting, the more we struggle, the harder it is, the more productive or the more we're gonna see results. So I've had to kind of undo myself from the struggle and undo myself from making it hard and learning that it gets to be pleasurable. And it gets to be fun and you get to receive like yourself in the meantime. The more you're yourself, the more money you make. So, it's really cool.
Emily: So I'm really curious about that. In the phase of your business, when you were following someone else's strategy or someone else's playbook, which I can completely resonate with that. Do you feel like you were connected to the feelings in your body that you were connected to your intuition? Or did you have to sort of relearn that piece?
Emily W.: I definitely had to relearn that piece because it was almost like I knew intuitively it didn't feel good, but I couldn't justify, like I wasn't feeling good. Therefore I should probably learn my own way. I didn't have the power to understand that almost. So I definitely got a lot out of control with not understanding my own intuition. And then I had to relearn it. I understood intuition in other areas. I could master intuition with my body. I could master intuition with meditation and channeling, but I couldn't master it in business and in making money.
Because I felt like there, I couldn't trust myself or other areas, I knew I could trust myself. Because in other areas there was nobody telling me what to do. I didn't have, like a fitness coach at the time. I didn't have a meditation coach or anything like that. I was just trusting myself and I was my only mentor there. So as soon as I had somebody above me telling me what I should be doing, what I had to do, it was like, okay, I have to listen to them because they're the expert. So it definitely took me out of power in my intuition there.
Emily: You bring up such a good point. And this is like, I think a pattern that many of us, especially as women hold, right?
Which is when someone else tells us how we should be doing things. Especially in business, but even in other areas, and it doesn't feel good. We actually make ourselves wrong in that equation. We're not like, this doesn't feel good. So this is my intuition telling me that like, there's a different way or gee, what would it look like if it did really feel good? And how could I do it that way? Instead, we're like, I must just not be that good at business, or I'm doing it wrong. What's wrong with me? And, you know, we cause ourselves so much undue suffering, but it also makes me really excited because, you know, at the time when that was happening for me,
I didn't hear anyone like there. I didn't see a role model of someone saying, like "Your business should feel really good". And if it's feeling yuck, like that's actually a really important signpost that something's not quite right. It was like this old masculine paradigm of like, no, no, you just follow the steps and if you're not getting the result, what's wrong with you. And I'm excited that we're getting this message out there.
Emily W.: Absolutely.
Emily: That there are other ways to do it.
Emily W.: There are other ways to do it. And that's the thing is, like when the minute that we put responsibility into something outside of us to make things work, like I see it a lot. I was actually just exploring this or sharing this online. I think yesterday, but I was just sharing that like mentorship, like the reason that we hire coaches a lot of the time is because we think that they're gonna fix something in us. They have a secret, a secret sauce. And I've heard my clients come to me and say," You know, it's funny cause you're the first mentor I've worked with where I realized there is no secret sauce". You're not selling a secret. You're just selling, coming into myself.
So then I can find the ways that work best for me. And I remember working with coaches, like first year of my business, when I didn't understand, like I am the power and I hold the power, I was working with coaches thinking that they were gonna give me a result and I wanted it to almost be like, there my mother. Giving me exactly what to do every single day and how to do it. And of course I wasn't getting the results and a lot of people will then blame the mentor for not giving them the results, but you're completely putting the power out of you then. How do you expect to make money to run a successful brand and business when you're blaming other people for not getting the results? So I think that was the most empowering thing for me in my journey was just realizing that my way is the way. But it's gonna take me to be in my power and take charge in order to see results.
Emily: A hundred percent, I mean, I've hired so many coaches like in savior vibes, subconsciously, but like, oh good. You seem to have this figured out. So take me under your wing. And I'm curious, do you still like are there any hints of that left for you? Because I'll still find myself occasionally like, get sucked into like somebody who's really good copywriting.
Emily W.: And be like, I'm so good. Yes.
Emily: It sounds like they have the answer. I really just want the playbook. Can somebody please just give me the playbook?
Emily W.: I totally do that. Not I think about it, like when I read certain things and I'm just like, oh my gosh, she has some type of answer. Maybe I should message her, but I don't, because I understand like, that's like the part of me that wants to be like, somebody has got the answer. It's like, no, I have all the answers within me. But again, I still do it from time to time. And it's always really good copyright for me.
Emily W.: But I just don't act on it. Think like I'm happy I don't because, I mean.
Emily: Same. It's like, I know like the jig is up. My soul just knows. Okay, this is just another thing where you're trying to give your power away. And you're just hoping that there's an easier solution than actually looking inward and you know, in doing the inner work. So it's like, I know better, but there's still like, a part of me that's like, but please like, wouldn't that just be so much easier. Can we just do that instead
Emily W.: I know, I know it's so true. I always now, I invest in programs. I feel like I don't read anything anymore. I honestly don't and that's probably why I don't spend time with copyright at all in my business, but I don't read anything. And it has to be like, this program is activating something within me. It's not a crutch, it's not something to. Fake my own power and bleed. It's more, I wanna activate, I want to just be in this person's world for the three weeks or however long the program is, or it's just, I want to discover deeper parts of this subject. Instead of this program is a money program.
Therefore it's gonna make me all the money and I'm gonna be super wealthy, right? Within three weeks of the program, like what I used to do and used to be like. So when we see that coaches and programs are not a savior for us. Our own savior and coaches and programs are here to either help us go inward. If they're a healer or they're here to help us expand and activate on our journey to learn more things and embody it within us instead
really shifts things for me.
Emily: Absolutely. And it's like, I take so much more radical personal responsibility now. If I join a program like is actually 100% up to me to extract out of this, like what I came in for. But I, you bring up something interesting about like, especially with money programs, right? The allure of, okay. I'm going to make this much on the other side of it. And you know, because you and I get to mastermind together, I know that you had your own block around moving away from financial promises in your own programs. So can you talk to us a little bit about that.
Emily W.: I just I'm at this place. I went through like a massive ego death, which was the hardest thing, right? As I reigned in like the pleasure queen, I went through like eight weeks, nine weeks of like, massive, hard lessons, eco death. Of course we have to clear the way and it was not fun, but a lot of that, that came up was, I was realizing I was using a lot of ego still in my programs. And it wasn't like this, like forward ego, like fear selling. I was never, I mean, maybe the first year in business, I was kind of leaning toward that, but it never sat well with me. So I never really activated myself that way, but I was noticing this very deep layer of my ego, wanting to prove to people almost that I could help them make money, because then I'd be worthy.
If I can teach you that I've made money and I can help you make money, then you'll hire me. And it wasn't something that I was even conscious of until I went through the ego death and really did the work around it. And I found like, I can't promise no coach can promise money gains to anybody because you can take the best of the best money program and stay exactly where you are or go backwards. It's up to you to be able to do the things. So, for me, it's, I work a lot with soul. I work a lot with your fullest expression. I work a lot with peeling back layers of the onion, you know, peeling back layers the core and finding the core of who you truly are and activating yourself and pleasure because pleasure is the foundation of everything that we want.
The foundation where we build big money. It's the foundation where we create intimacy with other people where we create soul connected brands. So, I just really started to understand that I'm here to guide people into pleasure, not to have fancy words or, you know, use things that I don't know could spice up my marketing a little bit. I really want it to be fully embodied. And so it was this whole journey. Letting go of things.
Emily: Totally. And like the sense that I got, because you know, I'm inside of your free Facebook group and I see some of your marketing, it wasn't like this huge shift, but it was sort of like this minute thing where I think for a while you were maybe saying like," I guide you into pleasure". Which results in blank, right? Almost needing to justify why someone would make the investment into the journey of pleasure. Right? And then it was like, wait, I can just talk about pleasure. Just because you're gonna make this investment in pleasure, because pleasure.
Emily W.: Yes.
Emily: Very likely money will be. A beautiful side effect of that, as will be many other things. But that doesn't have to be like part of your messaging if you don't want it to be.
Emily W.: I love that. I love that you reflected that out because it's so true. And I can see it like a part of my ego is like, I feel that I still feel that a little bit.
Cause it's, you know, you're never fully healed from something you're just, you're going deeper and deeper and I'm like, I feel that definitely. But we can't justify it because we've been pro or at least like I've been programmed my entire life to give people results, like all through business. But, before business it's like, I'm here to go to school to get an A, like, I'm here to like, be the good girl. Right? And like the good girl is gonna say, I give you pleasure for these. She has to justify it instead of like, no women just get to be deeply in our pleasure because we do.
Emily W.: Sexy, sexual creatures that just get to feel pleasure and that's it.
Emily: Full-stop. period. End of sentence. Because we do. So, I too suffered from a lot of people pleasing and if you're familiar with Enneagram like I'm an Enneagram three. And so basically like, I was very good at figuring out. What other people wanted of me, and doing that and making that my success measure. Right? So like in corporate America, it was very easy to get promotions and get raises and be at the top of the sales leader board and all of that kind of stuff.
But if you had asked me even a couple of years ago. What do you desire? What are your deep desires? What brings you deep pleasure? I would not have known the answer to that because I never actually stopped to explore it for myself. So I'm imagining that this is some of the work that you do with your clients, is that right?
Emily W.: Absolutely. It's really seeing the people pleaser and the shame and the guilt of like, it's crazy because I have these conversations with people and I resonate with what you said, because I was there. It's like, we don't even know, like we're a robot performing duties for other people. Instead of like, none of this feels good. We don't even know what feels good. We get the waves of what feels good. It feels good when we accomplish something that somebody wanted out of us, but that's not blessed.
That's not deep pleasure. And they feel a lot of people live in, like a really small, emotional gap where it's like, they're living in this. Almost like a mediocre field where they don't get super sad or super emotional, but they also don't get super blissful and deeply pleasurable. It's like we live from, you know, from here to here and instead of this, big and expansive of like, I feel so many different emotions, but I can go really, really deep in pleasure and I can also go really deep and hold the pain, which I learned this year was like really learning how to hold pain.
Emily: That's like expanding our range. Because if you would, if you had asked me a couple of years ago, like, are you happy? Yes. So it wasn't, it wasn't like a conscious thing. No, I'm unhappy. I'm just doing, I'm just people pleasing. I really thought that I was happy and I had a good life. It was just what I didn't realize was where. My ceiling then, it wasn't a fixed thing. I thought that, like, that's the top. And it wasn't until I explored, like, what do I want? Just because I want it, not because anyone else wants it for me, not because it's altruistic and it's gonna help the world or the planet or anything else just because I want it.
Emily W.: That's crazy. I had, this is a really random example, but I was buying there. I was at target one day and this was probably a couple of years ago, maybe not even a couple of years ago. And that was at target and I wanted this like black robe and it was just a black cotton row with, like a little bit of lace on the end. So it was like $20 or something like that. And they remember sitting there. I had the money, $20 wasn't the issue, but what the issue was, and I literally was sat there for like 10 minutes telling myself, do I really need this robe? Do I need to spend $20 on myself to buy a robe? It's like a cotton $20 robe. And then the other side of me is like, I don't know that's a little bit too sexy.
I was dating this guy at the time now. And I was like, I don't know. Cause I wasn't sexually expressed yet to him, like in front of other people, like secretly, I felt it, but I couldn't do it outwardly yet. And it felt almost like I was buying naughty laundry for myself. And I was like, trying to justify it, like, well, I don't know if I like, what if he sees me in it? What is he gonna think? And it's just this crazy. I bought it. I bought the robe. I still have the robe. I wear it all the time, but it made me think of that the other day. Cause I was sitting in doing my, like having a cup of coffee in the morning. I don't know, it just, like, sparked I couldn't, I remember that whole situation. I was like, it's funny how things change. And now here I am on my porch sitting in lingerie.
Emily: Right. If Emily who sat in target for 20 minutes could just see Emily now, lives in lingerie.
Emily W.: Absolutely. It's just crazy how we evolve and we evolve so quickly. And it's like that piece, that sexy piece of me, the wealthy piece of me, like whatever, like the empowered piece of me was always in there since I was young, but the bigger piece of me was the shy, timid people, pleasing shaming side of me, and that side always won. So it was cool. Just that little tiny moment of buying the robe. I was like, I won. My sexy, empowered self one so.
Emily: I love that. So, for people listening that like this topic maybe is a little bit new, I'm wondering if you'd be willing to dive deeper into the sacral energy. Where, our sex energy is housed there, but also that's like such an important center when it comes to money. And just like give us the beginner's guide to that.
Emily W.: I always feel like it's so hard for me to go, like talk, like a beginner because sometimes people are like, what are you talking about? And I just, it's hard for me to like, not speak, but in a way where I've worked with this energy for so long, but if I had to say it, hopefully, it makes sense. And I'll just try my best. But you know, the sacral energy is really of desire. It's of like our pussy energy and a lot of women don't like that word pussy either. It feels uncomfortable, but the more that we start to work with our sacral, the more that we start to connect to our pussy, it's really the energy of our own turn-on of our own radiance. And radiance is like life force energy.
So it's the energy within us that makes us feel really desirable. It makes us feel good. It makes us feel, like, radiant, powerful, empowered. And so, working with our sacral energy is really connecting. I see, we talk about intuition a lot and I see my intuition as like my pussy, like my intuition lies in my pussy. And so, it's not this energy of like, what should I do to please other people? It's an energy of, what do I desire to do? Because it's gonna make me feel more pleasure. So, you know, we activate this, you know, through self-pleasure and actually having orgasms, but we also activate this every single time.
We're just in a frequency of desire. We're doing something for ourselves. And so I started this journey of like, learning to trust my sacral, every day, learning to trust my sacral, not just when I'm turned on sexually, but when I am living, like having a cup of tea, like how can I like really, enjoy this cup of tea and have pleasure from this cup of tea. And then it started to go into my business, which is when all of the rules started to shift in my business.
But looking at it like, wow! this doesn't turn me on. I'm actually, like in that phase again of like, there's something in my business. That's not turning me on right now. And I'm trying to, I'm working on. Trying to figure out what that piece of it is. But so leading with your sacral is really learning what feels pleasurable and doing the things that add more pleasure to your life. More bliss, more sexual energy, more sensuality, instead of the things that you feel like you shouldn't be doing.
Emily: I love that. The visual that I was getting while you were talking was a light switch, but not a light switch that just turns on and off. But one of those ones that has like the slider where you can dim it or brighten it. Right? Because when we talk about turn on. That is important. Right? We don't want to be turned off. Right? We wanna be connected. We wanna be radiant. But what I imagine as you were speaking was like with each decision saying like, okay, does this turn me on? Does this bring me more pleasure? And when you take a step in that direction, it's like your, turning up the dimmer switch a little bit more.
So it's like you're getting brighter. Right? And when I think about a really radiant woman who is in her pleasure on her own, where everyone else is extra. Right? And I just imagine her walking down the street, I imagine this big, bright white aura around her, like this light and that being the radiance. And so, in case that resonates for anyone else? That's the thing, right? How do we turn up the brightness on our lives?
Emily W.: That's so beautiful. It's actually really funny that you use the dimmer switch because like, in all of my programs, when I speak about radiance and like I do this little meditation to invoke that of like turning up the dial, turning up the dimmer switch.You know, so it's really funny that you had that visual because this exactly how I explain it. But I love what you said about, too. Is you don't need anybody else. And the journey of me being single, which I definitely share in our, our mastermind together, the journey of me being single and really learning to be happy by myself, like learning to be turned on without a man, which was so incredibly difficult for me, because I have always been in relationships since I can remember. And like, as soon as I was sexually active, I was in relationship after relationship after relationship.
So I got a lot of my sexual expression when I felt comfortable with another person instead of just having it on my own, like somebody else had to hold the energy for me in order for me to feel deeply in my sexual expression. And, you know, our sexual expression is just as important in our sacral activation as the things that we do throughout our day and how we curate our day. So. I love that you said like, just being the person who does that for yourself, instead of needing a guy or a woman or a partner to do that for you, or instead of needing your business to be making lots of money to feel turned on or a coach to tell you the answers like it's all within you.
Emily: Absolutely. And you know, I think sometimes people get that twisted a little bit. They're imagining this woman who is so fiercely independent that she's like, I don't need you. And it's like, it's not that energy at all. Actually, when we're turned on, when we're radiant, when we're giving ourselves pleasure, we have a more open and inviting aura.
People actually want to come in and be a part of it. And if you think about like a romantic relationship or even just any relationship, I think we've all had some sort of dynamic where we almost felt that it was our responsibility to make the other person happy. And that's actually like a pretty heavy responsibility.
It's pretty hard to be in that role where it's like, oh geez, I'm responsible for her happiness or his happiness, like, whereas when we can come in and be like the whipped cream and cherry on top, like our presence makes things so much better, but there is no expectation there. It's actually a really beautiful thing. And I'm completely positive that the man that you're attracting into your life and the man that you're gonna ride off into the sunset with, like, that's how it's gonna feel for him is like, not this weighty expectation, but rather like, holy smokes. I get to, like add all of this magic into Emily's life, but she doesn't need me for her happiness.
Emily W.: Thank you for that compliment, but, you know, my poor ex-boyfriend, five years. I don't even know how long ago I dated him. I think we broke up in 2018, but I was the epitome of needing him to fulfill me. So like he carried so much way of me emotionally. He had to be my best friend. He had to be the one who turned me on.
He had to be my source of joy and happiness. I just was not a turned on woman. I wasn't happy. I definitely wasn't radiant. My light switch was all the way off. And so now, like as I'm in this dating field, what I find a lot of is. These men come and like, I am blown away by, like how romantic and how, without them even knowing me, it's crazy. I don't give people my last name that I date because of my content on social media. I just don't want to start off with the intention before you know me, that you are already like.
Emily: I'm like, hello, I'm the pleasure queen. And if you join my free Facebook group, you'll learn about orgasmic manifestation.
Emily W.: Right. Exactly. I'm like, no, I don't want to go down that. So, they don't know me. They don't know my background. They don't know anything about me, but they take me on these, like beauty. We've just had this really beautiful experience from the beginning. And what I see a lot is because I don't need somebody to fulfill me. It definitely adds to my pleasure. It definitely adds to my life, but I don't need it. And I'm happy. And then overflow by myself, is a lot of the times what will happen is they come to a point where they feel like they can't hold it and we can have that conversation of like, and that's what happened in my last experience with dating. And I probably also shared in the mastermind all of my secrets in there, but that's what happened.
The last thing is like a situation happened where I was like, okay, I'm not accepting this. I just, this is not for me. And it was almost like he couldn't rise in his power and he knew he couldn't rise in his power.
He really started to see it. I had a conversation, like after we ended things. But this person, and he really started to see, which was beautiful. Cause he could like, notice what was going on. And he was like, you know, when you came into my life, I felt on top of the world, like you just, like added to my life and it was amazing.
But then I realized like I can't keep up with you and I have a lot of internal work to do. So it's really cool to see that you have that effect on people that are conscious of it. That they're like, wow! I actually do have a lot of healing. I thought I was good in my life until you came in. I'm like, no, she's amazing. But, now I have all this internal work to do to hold a relationship of that caliber. Thats really beautiful.
Emily: I think so too. So I want to talk a little bit about money and make sure that we have some time to get into, you know, some of your favorite money and pleasure practices. So talk to me a little bit, like you'd kind of mentioned when you started out as a fitness coach, right? It was like no money basically, or, or money was like there and not there. And it was a very tumultuous and dramatic relationship. Did you notice along the entrepreneurial journey, like certain money wounds or limiting beliefs that you had around money that you really needed to clean up in order to, you know, grow your business and, you know, calling the level of wealth that you desire?
Emily W.: There was a lot there. It was a lot of, of course, like what I was brought up in, I heard this all the time is, like rich people just get lucky. You're either born into it or you get lucky and we're just not lucky. And so I went all of the time, of like, I'm not lucky, nobody cares about me. I'm not worthy of it. A lot of worthiness stuff. So, that definitely was the biggest thing that held me back with money is I'm not worthy. And that created a very chaotic relationship of me having to prove my worthiness and then showing up as like, see, I am unworthy because I lost money this month or whatever it might've been, but, a lot of unworthiness issues.
Emily: It's same, for sure. Right?. So it's like, oh my gosh. Being on that worthiness rollercoaster with money is terrible.
Emily W.: And also like that money is like not fun to make. That's what I was. I didn't know anybody who enjoyed making money. In my life, like my parents hated work. I used to get anxiety like really bad anxiety on Sunday when I was a little girl, because my parents were stressing out cause tomorrow was Monday. And so money was not fun to make. It definitely was not pleasurable. It was struggle hard, ugly turned off energy, which, you know, and I loved being a fitness coach. I loved what I was doing. So those two stories didn't match up. So you can't have both, you can't have a lot of money and love what you do. It just doesn't work that way. And that's really what I believed.
Emily: So it's like, well, if I love what I'm doing, then clearly the money can't be here. Because money has to come through hard suffering.
Emily W.: There's always gotta be a struggle story for me. Always had to be something it could never be. Wow! My life is just good all the way around. It couldn't be that I always had to be. I was very dramatic. I can still be very dramatic, sometimes, I'm just a dramatic person. I'm a very emotional person, but I'm at a place where I don't feel like something has to be really bad for other things to be really good. Everything gets to just be really good. I get to be just peaceful instead of this chaotic toxic relationship.
EmIly: So when you became consciously aware of the fact that like, Wow! Okay. I have some really unhealthy beliefs that aren't serving me here because I think that the only way to be rich is to be lucky and that I'm not lucky. And I think that money has to come through hard work and suffering, and I don't really want to work super hard and suffer. What were some of the things that you did to work on, like rewriting that for yourself?
Emily W.: Many, a lot of years of things, because I feel like it didn't all come at one. So it was like, this definitely has to shift. And then this has to shift and I'm still finding things I have to shift into next levels, but definitely something I believe Amanda Francis had said I was on one of her like mastermind things and it really resonated with me. When she said it, I was like, yes, this is like, kind of just what I felt in that moment. When I was having like a quantum leap with money, all of a sudden I went from like literally poor a $900 months in business to multiple five figure months within a month, she said the money just gets to come. It doesn't matter what type of person you are, money just gets to come. And I was like, that's exactly what I felt.
I was just like, I just accepted myself. It was just this moment where I was like, You know what I just get to be me. I'm just going to be me and all of the trying and the convincing and business and the trying to show off the side of me that I really wasn't embodied in, just disappeared. And I ran a program. And it was just on, like goddess energy, meditation peace. And it had done so well. It was one of my biggest programs and my business at that point. And it was just like, wow! I didn't even have to prove anything. I didn't have to do anything. It was just gotta be me. So I think that understanding of self-acceptance and also that if I'm gonna make money, it has to be fun. It has to be pleasurable. It has to be sexy. It can't be a struggle anymore. I'm tired of beating myself up.
Emily: And so talk to me about some of the rewiring of money with pleasure, money with fun, because I think you have some beautiful practices for that. You know, that you embody yourself, but also perhaps that you share with your clients.
Emily W.: Absolutely. I mean the biggest money practice money ritual that I do is around self pleasure. And for me, like it was a journey of self pleasure for myself first and not to make money because I think like, I always like, am cautious about talking about like, orgasmic manifestation. If we don't have a solid self-pleasure practice first, and I find a lot of women will go into self-pleasure to manifest, but they can't do self-pleasure just for them. So the first part of, like an orgasmic manifestation practice. And I don't know how long it'll take you, but for me, it was like months of just learning to connect to my body and learning to be safe, like giving myself an orgasm or just touching myself, just not feeling shame, touching myself. And so once I became, like, really turned on in that way, and I could hold that energy.
I started to shift it, to wanting to desire things. And I don't do it all the time. I have a very healthy balance of like, when it's just for me or when I want to, like manifest during ritual, but with money, you know, the way that I see it when my brain was wired, like money is a struggle. Money is hard. So when we orgasm with money, when we manifest through self-pleasure, we're firing different networks and now it's money as pleasure. And you're kind of connecting that in your brain circuits, your neuro networks. So, you know, money has pleasure. It it's felt it's embodied within, so I'll do an orgasmic manifestation around money and we can make it simple or as difficult as we want to make it. And I like to make things really simple for myself, because if I feel like it's gonna be hard to focus on money when I'm trying to make it easy and pleasurable, it's not even worth it.
So, at first, all I would do was just set the intention and the intention was around money. And then I would just do the self pleasure experience and I would climax orgasm and that's it. But after I've started getting comfortable with that and just sitting with, okay, I can, like, I can orgasm in the name of money or I can orgasm in the name of desiring something. Then I started to get a little bit more focused. In my orgasms, like when I was climaxing to focus on the amount or focus on money, I could focus specifically on something, but it's never feel hard. So that's one of the practices that I embody frequently is the self-pleasure practice around money. And then the other parts is like, even just when you spend money on yourself, like when I buy myself, lingerie, like, it's my favorite, like luxury to buy myself is I just imagine it as like a wealthy embodiment practice.
Every time I'm investing in something, I make it really beautiful. I make it an experience. So it's not like I'm just going to the laundry store to hurry up and buy a piece of lingerie. I really tap into myself. I really like I'll go and have a glass of wine beforehand and a charcuterie board. I'll get into it. I'll create a day out of it and make myself feel sexy, dress up, do my makeup, you know, let my hair down and then go and buy lingerie. So, every time I shouldn't say every time I'm spending money. Cause I'm sure I could. There's certain places I could be better about. Buying myself gas or something, but usually when I'm investing in myself, whether it's lingerie or a coach or something for my home or whatever, I really create this like intention around it helping me become a wealthier woman. If that makes sense.
Emily: Yes, it makes perfect sense. And like you said, you know, that helps us re-pattern our relationship with money. Think about it differently. Understand that, It's being, like, kind of sent off in the name of pleasure and in the name of investments and in the name of something that we really stand for. And then we can also write, build an additional belief. That is every time I spend in the name of pleasure, every time I spend in the name of upgrading my standard, it's not money just leaving. It's actually money, like going out to play and multiply and then like, come back to me. multiplied.
Emily W: And it's the best experience of even, you know, I think my first I had like the biggest awakening in Maui. And March, I went by myself and that was just like a really big upgrade around my standards with like money. And that was like the first time where I just freely, like, it was hard though, because I'm like freely spending and really immersed in luxury. It was at a beautiful place treating myself all of the way, but it was also that duality that exists of like, oh my God, this is not safe. Oh my God.
So I had, it took me like. A few days, like several days to actually receive, to actually be like, okay, this is safe, this is good. I feel good here. I feel pleasurable here. So it's kind of funny how, you know, the duality will exist. Just like buying the robe. Now I'll buy myself a robe, but I don't think about it, but you know, a couple of years ago buying that robe was like, I don't, it was iffy. So it's cool to see, like how you upgrade and evolve on the journey of spending money or making money through pleasure.
Emily: And I'm curious, like, do you feel like there is any balance that needs to be struck between spending in the name of pleasure and like the line of like irresponsibility?
Emily Whiteside: I mean, there's definitely a line because when we are not looking at, like, if you're just putting everything on credit, I heard this all the time, which really messed me up in the beginning of my journey was like, act as if, right? Embody who you're going to be. And I took that as like, okay, I would have like $200 to my name and I'd be like, want to spend a hundred dollars at LuluLemon because I'm acting as if.
Emily W: And it's like, that's gonna send you, that's like a quick fix. That's gonna send you right into scarcity mode again. And so it's like making sure that. You're not doing it all of the time. You're not doing it in a place of, like putting yourself in danger. It's definitely stemming from a place of overflow, but I cal,l like the investments that the purchases for myself that I don't need, that don't really make sense. I call, like, the pussy purchases, but for me, it's like pussy purchases aren't something that happened every single day. They're not something that I'm, like constantly spending, they're very embodied.
They're very like this is gonna help me reach my next level. And it does feel a little bit scary, but it feels very right. And so the pussy purchases are like, this is gonna turn me on more of this to make me feel better. This is going to add to my experience of wealth and the woman I'm becoming. But of course there is that line of like, we should also be smart, so I don't help people budget money or anything like that. So I can't really speak to, like budgeting. I hate that word budgeting anyways, but I can't really speak to that, but I do believe that. Aline and you know, the line, like, you know, what's gonna put you into scarcity mode, you know, what's a quick fix. It's making sure that it's fully embodied when you do spend money on yourself.
Emily: Thank you for speaking to that, because I think sometimes, like you said, like with the whole act as if, right? Oftentimes we can hear what feels like a piece of advice. And like, take it very literally without understanding the energetics behind it or below it. Right? There's really this foundational piece of how can I seal when this happens and can I sustain that feeling after as well? Right?
Because it's like, you might feel amazing in the moment that you make the purchase. And then, like you said, if it triggers you into scarcity and then now you're really worried about money for the next week or two. Well, you haven't held the vibration of being the kind of person that shops at LuluLemon, because the kind of person that shops at LuluLemon doesn't stress about that purchase for two weeks afterwards. Right? So sometimes it's like, it's less about the act itself and more about the energetics and how we can feel around it. And so just choosing something that matches that.
Emily W: it doesn't have to be this big jump. At that time, when I had $2, $200 in my bank account, it's like spending a hundred dollars at LuluLemon was a huge jump that I couldn't embody. Now, when I go into LuluLemon, it's just like regular. It's just where I buy my go-go clothes. But at that time, it's like I could have gotten the same type of feeling that would have been able to carry itself on by going and buying something at home goods or not home goods, but TJ Maxx or something like that.
It's just the act of like, I get to buy myself something, right? And receiving that it's a commitment. And I think that a lot of people forget that, like making, spending money as a commitment, it's an energetic exchange.
So when you're signing up for something, whether it's, you're buying yourself a ring or a car, whatever, you're making a commitment that I'm spending this. So that's your word? And your word is law. If you're spending that much money. You made the decision, don't go backwards on your decision by letting yourself feel bad or feel shame like you made the decision to do it. So follow through with the energy. So when I see purchases now. Even if it's like a simple purchase it's in the back of my mind, like, this is the commitment that I'm making to buying this outfit or hiring this coach. It's a commitment together. So that's just kind of a way to see it if .
Emily: And going back to that intimacy, like, relationship with self, right? We wanna do things that make us feel good and that continue to upgrade our relationship with self that make us feel like, I can trust me. Cause when I make this commitment, I follow through on my commitments. I only want to purchase things where I'm not just going to feel good about it now, but I'm gonna feel good about it tomorrow and in a week and in a month. Why? Because I love myself. Because I'm in this with me. This is the most important relationship of my whole life.
Emily W: And it's knowing that even when. Because a lot of times fear comes up. Right? Of like, what if I, and I, I say this more like in mentorship or in a large investment, like your dream car, it's like, well, what if I can't afford it? I know, like I can do it now, but like, what if something bad happens and it's like, trust yourself enough that you're going to be able to make it work no matter what. And that simple thing of like, okay, even if something weird does happen and I'm still gonna make it work because I trust myself. Money is always coming to me. Money is my friend. Money is always helping me. Money is my sexy lover. That just wants to please me all the time. So it will always be there, but it's trusting that energy, trusting that affirmation, trusting that focus and you'll be okay.
Emily: And being the kind of person that makes that true. Right? Because being in a relationship where money is the sexy lever that likes to please us, like that requires something of us, too. We have to be that person that makes that true. And that's the work and the work can be fun. The work can be pleasurable. It's going to have its shadow moments as well. But to me, like, that's why I'm so thankful for money. I say this all the time. Because It's such an enticing thing that it gets us to do the inner work in a way that we wouldn't necessarily otherwise.
Emily W: That's totally true. And,
I look at before I was so not money conscious because I wasn't on my spiritual path or self-improvement path at all. And I just thought that, you know, you make this much money because you do, you just, that's just the way it works. And so it's been really cool to see once I started to desire money and believe that I could have money. Where the spiritual path took me and where the self-improvement path took me and they would never have happened.
It's, it is. It's like your mentors, it's like your teacher and it's a constant like, well, who am I gonna be in this moment? Who am I gonna be when the hard things happen? Who am I gonna be when I'm tested? May I gonna go back into poverty mindset and into victim mentality? Or am I gonna choose to be the pleasure queen, rise up, find pleasure in it. Find the deeper meanings in it to become more embodied and more of me.
Emily: Yes, yes. Yes. So I know people are gonna want to follow along with you. So, can you share the best ways if someone wants to be on this pleasure queen journey with you, for them to find you, connect with you, follow along.
Emily W: Absolutely. My Instagram, I'm on there a lot is Pleasure Queen X.O. And then on Facebook, I'm Emily Whiteside and my free community is the sacred alignment community. Because you cannot have pleasure and your title on Facebook groups anymore. I wish I can, without it saying I can't. So my free community is Sacred Alignment Community just to keep everything safe.
Emily: Beautiful and we'll drop those links in the show notes. Emily, any final thoughts that you have for our audience?
Emily W: No, let I'm just, you have all the tools that you need within and you get to create your life however you want to. And for me, it's like, I want to make it romantic and fun and pleasurable and blissful. So I choose that every single day and that's available to every single one of us. So, your choice.
Emily: I love it. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your energy with us today. And everyone listening if you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it, tag Emily, tag me, let us know what your biggest takeaways were and we'll hear from you soon. Bye.
Emily: Thank you so much for listening to today's show. Changing the way we think, feel and talk about money will change the world. I truly believe that. It starts with you tuning in and it spreads when you share this show on Instagram and Facebook and tag me at Em Makes Money. And you know, what moves the needle the most. Taking just a minute to leave a five-star review on iTunes
This show isn't free to produce. So let's multiply those dollars invested to help the show reach a bigger audience each week. Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it. And lastly, if you want more connection, more Em Makes Money, style, riffs, and a safe place on the internet to talk about money, jump into my free Facebook group, the money club it's linked in the show notes. Until next time, I'm wishing you health, happiness, and boatloads of money.