Episode 20: How Sexual Liberation and Freedom Mirror that of Financial Liberation and Freedom with Kimberly Rose Pendleton

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Kimberly Rose Pendleton is a PhD educated at George Washington and Yale and a high performance intimacy and leadership coach for entrepreneurs. Her work flows from the understanding that healing our intimacy wounds unleashes new levels of success, connection, and courage.

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https://www.kimberlyrosependleton.com/

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theuncoveredcommunity

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Website: https://www.emilywilcox.com/work-with-me

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/em.makes.money

Money Wounds Quiz: https://www.emilywilcox.com/quiz

Send a DM to inquire about open coaching & masterminds or go to https://www.emilywilcox.com/products

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Transcript

 

Kimberly: I think I know so many women who feel, like, afraid to open, like the Pandora's box of their desire, worrying that it might mean that they like, burn their house down and go become like a wild crazy slide. Instead, what I often find happens is they just get what they want and, like, usually have incredible ideas for, like their business or their life and that are all tamped down, like so tightly feeling naked just like so dangerous.

Emily: Hello beautiful souls. Today's episode is so, so good. And before we jump in, I have some exciting news to share. If you've ever wondered where you're blocking money, this is for you. I've created a free quiz to diagnose your money wounds so you can heal them and unblock yourself to receive more money. Just go to money wounds quiz.com and answer six quick questions to get your insanely accurate and potent results. And if you're loving my vibe and want to work one-on-one to call in more feminine energy wealth, I would love to hear from you. You can shoot me a DM on social media or go to Emily Wilcox.com to learn more.

Hey, Hey, I've got such a juicy episode for you today. Quickly before we dive in. Many of you have reached out to ask how we can work together. And I do have limited openings to work with me via one-on-one private coaching inside the rise mastermind, and I've actually even opened up a few spots for human design readings. So if you're ready to step into feminine energy wealth, this is for you. If you're serious about ditching those old limiting beliefs, you're tired of having the hustle to grow your business and income, and you're ready to attract more money, joy, and ease from feminine energy, this is for you. If you're tired of being in control all the time and feeling the pressure of your business and your household, then this is for you. If you want to be relaxed and work in life, but don't know how without all the balls dropping, then this is for you. So head to Instagram or Facebook and send me a DM, or you can click the link in the show notes. Take the action now that your future self will thank you for.

Emily: Welcome back to the show. I'm super excited to have Kimberly Rose Pendleton here. She's a high-performance intimacy and leadership coach for entrepreneurs. Her work flows from the understanding that healing, our intimacy wounds unleashes new levels of success, connection and courage.

Her expertise comes from her PhD at George Washington University and her master's degree from Yale. Kimberly's a certified coach and published researcher more deeply though. Kimberly's expertise comes from leading hundreds of clients through this work to find freedom, financial success, and deep love as they heal their wounds and emerge bravely on the other side. Kim, I'm so happy to have you here. Welcome to the show.

Kimberly: Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.

Emily: Awesome. Well, you and I already know each other. We're in a mastermind together, but I'm excited to have this chance to connect so I can get to know more about you and your story. And I think it's so interesting. So my sister is a college professor. So also like a PHD and we were just talking the other day and your name came up and Janine Staples came up because I just look at the two of you and I'm sure there are plenty of others, but it's just really neat to see women in academia or with like an academic background, just like using their gifts so creatively and beyond kind of like the traditional path.

Kimberly: A hundred percent. I love that. And I love that this gets to be like in a way. A bigger conversation about, like how we can use all the parts of us to like make money, who we want to, or, like open up to different, like streams of income and magic. And I feel like academia in particular really needs to have a conversation about that and like ways that, you know, some of that expertise can filter out into the world and creative ways.

Emily: Absolutely. Cause like my outside view of academia is that, you talk about a system that has so much masculine structure. It feels very rigid to me and it feels like there's already such a predefined path. And I, at one point when I was an undergrad, was considering getting a PHD and becoming a college professor and it feels like perfect. You like, you do step one, step two, step three, step four. You know, you get your tenure and you're good forever. 

Kimberly: You get your one rays for your whole life?

Emily: Pretty much. And then if you want some extra income, write a textbook and then continue to make revisions so that then students have to buy the new version. 

Kimberly: Okay. Good call. There's one plan for more.

Emily: So I'm curious when you decided to pursue a PHD. Were you planning on being a full-time college professor and that was kind of it, end of story.

Kimberly: Totally. I really was like, okay. I want it to help people. I love to teach why to, like really go deep on, you know, these different subjects. I'm studying gender studies and sexual trauma and the stuff that felt to me, like so important. And I was like, okay, like the way you do that is you like become a professor and you teach it. And it never crossed my mind that there would maybe be, like a different way to sell teach. Maybe even more intimately in a lot of ways and have like a totally different experience. The concept of running my own business, I would never have. I like, wouldn't maybe, would know what you were talking about.

Emily: Right. Like what? No, that's not.

Kimberly: I was like the good one was trying to help people. I'm not in Slytherin over at the business.

Emily: Oh my gosh. I love that. And it is true that, that's one of the sneaky ways that, this I call it the evil money wound, show how's itself, right? That there's this false dichotomy between service and making money. 

Kimberly: Oh my God. Huge. And I don't know if you've already talked about this with a lot of your other guests, but I had it from the religion side too, because I was just like, okay. Good people are not wealthy. You cannot be both and then on the academic side, it was like smart people are not wealthy. You know, this is the culture where everybody's like in student debt and it's part of it. And we see capitalism and all the systems and like the last weak on both sides. I feel like I was emerging from this. We're all just being like, okay, it gets bad, definitely bad to make money. It might be bad to have at me, like it's all bad. 

Emily: I can totally relate to that. Through Christian upbringing. And then even after moving away from Christianity, then what I moved into was kind of like, Hindus flavored, but very like meditation and finding your own personal liberation. And so a piece of that is really like releasing all attachment to the material. 

Kimberly: Right. 

Emily: So then I kind of felt like it just took on a new labor.

Kimberly: It really is such a trip because, like you said, then you go down, into even maybe a more enlightened or like evolved spiritual path and it's like, okay, the one thing we all agree, no money.

Emily: Right.

Kimberly: Especially for women. So I think that this is actually where. My academic work had, like a little bit of, like a sneaky side to it too, where I had some tools. I didn't know that they could have been used for this too later, but now I like seeing it coming together. But like, you know, as women we're also socialized not to be  concerned with money or to feel like we should care more and like lead from the heart and like money shouldn't be involved in that. And then it's actually an area where I think like feminism tools can help because you hear that. And you're like, wait a minute. 

So why? I don't know that I've ever heard a man get called materialistic or, like superficial. I feel like these are only, like, insults and worry is that. We love about women and it's so gendered. And it's so even the concept of like, I teach an article in my women's studies classes called "The Rich Bitch" about, like, why people like watching housewives and like that kind of stuff. And it's like, okay, like we can actually bring in some of this, like feminist critique to be like this doesn't feel fair.

Emily: I think that's such an interesting point and I see it in. Both the willingness to even own a desire for wealth, right? To say, I want to be rich. I want to be wealthy, but then also it feels like that same piece permet our competency around money. We are very quick often as women to feel like I'm not good with money. I don't know what to do with it. I need someone to help me manage it. And then we turn to the world of financial advisors, financial planners, wealth strategists, and it's like, you know, 99.8% men. And that actually feels, like, pretty good to us because we're like, cool. Now someone who actually. No, it was about money. Can just have mine. And I feel so much better about that.

Kimberly: I have chills here you say that? Because I think that that really is like, that's probably the next layer of empowerment for a lot of us. Is that being like, wait a minute. What if I trusted myself with this? Or what if I  supported you know women and this industry or something like that, because I think you're right, even when we've done so much work on our own kind of receiving wound healing and holding money, there's still that sense of like, I'm not supposed to be the one who has it, or like I have like a husband takeover or something like that.

You know, not that there's anything inherently wrong with getting help, but just that Cato's reifying that notion not, like as women who are somehow not capable or not equipped, or we're just not like, felt for it or something like that. And I think that there is a level of questioning we get to do around that. If that feels good, like that's one thing, but if it just feels scary and like this doesn't get to be for us, maybe we got to unpack that.

Emily: And I think that's the discernment, right? Is it's, like, what's the feeling underneath it all? Because we do want to be able to operate in feminine energy where we're receiving of support. And you know, we have a team around us, so it doesn't have to be this, like, go it alone, I'm gonna learn all the things, I'm gonna trailblaze this path. But, it's like if the real reason why we feel like we want the financial planner or the stockbroker is because it feels a little bit scary for us to be in charge of our money. Then like, that's the piece that we get to work on healing ourselves. And then maybe we still work with the stockbroker or the financial planner. 

Kimberly: As you're saying that I have this feeling of like, there's the CEO operating from this place of like, I know what I want done, but I'm gonna bring in the people who can do it even better than me. Because like I get to be supported, which still feels in a way to me so feminine, even though it's like so powerful and then there's like, this little girl, a part of me that I could imagine to have like, rescue me, like so different of like, I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out. Even if that's all internal and it's so, it's just so nice to have conversations like this, where you remember that, like, you have options of, like how we run our business or how we handle our money or who we kind of let step into the driver's seat. This scared little girl gets to still be part of me, but she's just maybe like, not in charge of the bank account. So I would take a nap.

Emily: Mommy's got this handled so you can go play, you bring to my life and I'll, I'll take care of the money. 

Kimberly: Right. Buy you some new art supplies. You go have fun. I will be handling this over here, but, I mean, I feel like before you know about all those different pieces of you and before you can see kind of all the different messaging that you've been given from society and like all these other parts. It just feels so complicated and so messy. And I feel like I have clients who come to me to do intimacy work, you know, whether it's like sexual trauma healing, or they just want to feel more, you know, like sensual and alive. And honestly money is so related, like, it doesn't necessarily seem like it would be, but that ability to receive and be supported, the dynamics between partners would money is involved, especially for my, like entrepreneurial clients who are bringing in quite a lot of money. And then it's like, okay, how does this impact, you know, our like sexual dynamic and then just guilt. All the guilt, like so much guilt and shame about like, I'm not making enough money now I'm making too much money. Good Lord, is it ever, the right about where I don't have to feel guilty? 

Emily: Yes. Totally. As you were saying that, like the visual I was getting. Is like there's this huge knot of string. And then coming out of it are like five different individual strings. And it's like, we may enter into things from the lens of intimacy or from the lens of hiring a money coach or from the lens of hiring a relationship coach. It doesn't really matter which individual string we decide to pull on first, because it's gonna lead us to these knots. That includes money, intimacy relationships, our feelings, our inner child, like.

Kimberly: It's all in there.

Emily: It's all in there. And we like to think that, like we can deal with things in silos that feel so much safer. 

Kimberly: Right.

Emily: But it just doesn't work like that.

Kimberly: It really doesn't. It really doesn't. And I love that analogy because it's like you pull on a way the other string to show up.

Emily: So I want to dive in a little bit deeper on this, because I would say this is an area where. I'm a newer student and it's the interplay between sexuality and money and sexual shame and kind of the sacral chakra. So talk to me about that. Cause I think that's a pretty big part of your work.

Kimberly: It is. It's so amazing to actually like, come have the conversation about connecting the dots, because I feel like this is sort of like lurking in the background a lot of the time, instead of just being like, okay, let's just, like set the elephant in the room down and talk to it. But I feel like for my clients and in my work pleasure is that kind of, like guilt inducing, elephant in the room. We're afraid to look at it, thing. And it had so much to do with some of that seem like the evil money wounds that you talk about, you know, that sense of like, If you want something, whether it's sexual or just like, kind of adulterant and life in general, like fancy meal or like a beautiful dress or a nice house or anything like that.

I had such a distrust of that and I feel like so many of the people that I work with did too, either from fear about like, judgment or fear that that means the bad people or whatever it is. But I think for women in particular, like desire, especially sexual desire has been so coded as dangerous, you know for so long. And I think some of us have specific memories and trauma that, like, really feed into that. And all of us are tapping into like centuries of people being like, women let's, like burn them at the stake. If they're acting, like a little too unruly, you know, just this sense of like women's desire is so dangerous that I think.

Whether you want more money or you want better sex or you want more time to yourself or whatever it is. That fear of being, like selfish or a bitch or being like this evil kind of, like bad woman It's so deep. And now it's, like, so funny because while I was going through my path, like nothing made any sense. And now looking back, I'm like, it's actually, like really helpful. That I had this religious experience and got this like feminist training and then like had this money experience. And you know, it feels like that's part of the tangle. 

All of this is wrapped together around these core identities of, like being evil and, like wanting too much. And I don't know, just kind of this, like a voracious appetite. Because, I know so many women who feel, like afraid to open, like the Pandora's box of their desire, worrying that it might mean that they, like, burn their house down and go become like a wild, crazy slide. Instead, I what, I often find happens is just, they get what they want and, like, usually have incredible ideas for, like their business or their life and their, that are all tamped down. So tightly feeling naked. Just like so dangerous. 

Emily: It is like such a tangle not because, I mean, for me, I really disconnected from my desires at an early age because my parents fought a lot about money. So in my household money was the root of conflict. And so even though there really was enough when I look back, it didn't really feel like it, it felt like, you know, there was enough to cover the basics, but if I wanted like, you know, the cool clothes and that kind of thing, I just didn't want to ask because probably it would be a no. And then maybe even if it was a yes or whatever, like it could cause then, a fight between my parents. And so I got really good at just like, the idea of delayed gratification, but then, I, like kind of started realizing like, I actually don't know how to receive. And so the day will never come. Because it feels so uncomfortable.

Kimberly: I'll just delay this til forever. No, but that makes so much sense you know, I think so many of those patterns start so early and then like, How many times have we just tried to operate online? How little can I get by on just to prove it to ourselves or to prove to other people or to not bother anyone, not make our parents feel bad, but that sense of like, How can I get by with less? How can I, like minimize anything I might want or ask for is just so different than the energy of like, What expands me? What do I want? What could I dream of? If there were no limits, like then what would I want? And some of those questions. What have terrified me 10 years ago?, I think, or just be like, this is a recipe, like straight to hell. You know, like this is not good. Yes.

Emily: I can so relate to that. And as far as what you said about, like the just getting by it's like it is everything, right? Because how often do we set our financial goals essentially, just to match up with our expenses, like, and then with our sex life, like it's pretty good. You know, it's just enough. It's happy and it's okay.

Kimberly: It's okay. I'm fine.

Emily: Right. And it's like realizing that, Why does it have to be just enough?. 

Kimberly: Right. 

Emily: But like you say, that question is terrifying because it starts to pick away at all of these institutions and the structures that we've bought into for so long.

Kimberly: There is a question I think of like, What economy is would just crumble if women actually recognized their worth? Because I think there has been just such a sense for so long of like, If we don't feel good enough, we'll work twice as hard for half the pay and like keep trying to prove ourselves and be so exhausted. And I think a lot has really existed on the backs of that for so long. And it does feel quite radical when as a woman, you start saying, I need more, I want more, I get to have more, I want it, I want it like whatever that is almost tapping him not in a way like selfish side, but really it's just like getting people backed up to zero. And I think the part about this, like, is the most ironic is that, that I was so much more, find a beer. 

I was such a better partner, like so much more fun to be with such a better teacher, showed up better to everything. And it was like, I thought, by like, not having what I wanted and putting myself last and never going, you know, that I was giving everybody this, like, amazing gift and, being, like selfless. I was actually, like, in a really bad mood. I'm like such a bitch. Cause I don't think I wasn't having my needs met.

Emily: Yes 

Kimberly: Now I'm like, right. It is kind of a weird way, but like the best gift I could give my partner, is in showing up like fully desires felled at nine. He just gets to be like the extra, but not like getting me up from zero. You know what I mean?

Emily: Yes, absolutely. That whole good girl coding. The mystery is what actually would make us happy because we didn't even know they were too busy trying to make sure that we fit in and we're checking all the boxes for everybody else. 

Kimberly: Totally.

Emily: When we can show up like turned on radiance, our cup full, we know what pleases us and we know how to give it to ourselves. So I'm super curious. You thought you were going to get a PHD and be a college professor, and then somehow you ended up intimacy coaching. That feels like such a hard left turn. 

Kimberly: Totally. I, you know, it's so funny is that even though I was in like a really liberal department talking about sex and women's empowerment. It still felt so insane and edgy to be like, I'm gonna be an intimacy coach. And I used to like meticulously block my advisors and like my colleagues from graduate school when I would post about my coaching, because here I was in like, Lingerie talking about like eating chocolate cake and like going to Hawaii and all this stuff. And it just felt like, oh my God, you are so not allowed to do that. 

This is breaking every rule and then bit by bit. So at first they overlapped, like I started doing coaching and like just leading little workshops while I was finishing out my PHD. And I honestly thought it was like, just for fun. I had an art studio in Washington DC and I started just inviting people there. And we would like, talk about what we wanted and our dreams. And I didn't even think of it as, what it really was, which was like laying the building blocks for this coaching business. I just sort of thought that I was like letting off steam and like doing this fun thing. It felt kind of like an art project. It had a little bit of that vibe.

Emily: A little creative outlet.

Kimberly: All this cute little thing, which I think is like its own issue, but I'm like, someone else a man, I would've probably been like, that is a business, but for me, I'm like, this whole thing I'm just like, hosting.

Emily: Okay. And how much were you charging for those first workshops? You remember? 

Kimberly: The very first one was $7. And even then I remember people signed up, it was for a vision board workshop. And I remember the people I looked around at like all the wine on the table that I had bought. And they were like, this math does not add up. You need to raise your prizes.

Emily: Wow $7.

Kimberly: $7 and.

Emily: Your like I keep 10 would be way too much. We're going 2 digits, we're going single digits.

Kimberly: Oh my God. It's so amazing actually, that we're solving this right now, because today was day one of a free series I'm doing called this seven figure intimacy coach. And it's like $7, five years ago. You know what I mean? Just like.

Emily: Okay. So that's gonna be your next masterclass title, is giving me from $7 to seven figures.

Kimberly: Oh my God. It's really, like mind blowing, especially because all along. I would say, even still I'm dealing with, like old patterns around not fully claiming, like not letting it count, not like, but obviously it's much better. I mean, those workshops began. I had a really powerful experience, hosting a workshop on the me too movement. And that was a turning point. I was like, that was obviously a bit later, but it was like, I took everything I've been doing brought all the wine. 

We went through all the wine. Actually, that I had meant to use for a workshop for an entire month, but it was like, I think that this is it. This is where all this work I've been doing at school and all this kind of, like touchy, feely stuff I've been doing it in my art studio, are coming together. And the main question that I had was like, How would I ever charge for that? It felt, that workshop had been free. I like it, it felt completely on ethical in a way.

Emily: Right.

Kimberly: Talk about trauma and healing and sexuality and charge money. Even though I could feel that this had been like such a powerful experience. And I feel like the next year was really this process of me trying to figure out like, okay, how can I do this? I want to offer this to as many people as I can, but I also know that, like the more I'm taking care of, the better the work is gonna be. And so uncover by brands kind of like, got downloaded through that process of negotiation. And it really did feel, like as I healed my own money wounds. I was able to show up to help, like intimacy stuff, which did feel so connected to receiving in general for all my clients. And then now, we like hit our seven figure milestone, like 85K a few months in a row.

And it's like, we're actually on track for seven figures. That is not a fluke, like, whoa, that's crazy.

Emily:  And congratulations for that, by the way. I mean, it's something like less than 3% of women own businesses, I think, hit those kinds of numbers. 

Kimberly: Wow! I actually didn't know that. 

Emily: And we're changing that.

Kimberly: We're changing that Emily. I mean, that is so crazy. Isn't it? What I have expanded definition of empowered. We also mean, you know, I feel like a lot of us grew up hearing. Kind of like Communist platitudes and like it's all well and good. And girl power and blah, blah. But I feel like now it's like, no, but here's what we mean. Financial empowerment, sexual empowerment, like friendship, deep sisterhood, like all of this. 

Emily: Yes. Absolutely. There's the platitudes and then there's the embodiment of it. I am so interested in digging deeper on how you healed this wound around charging money and not $7 kind of money, but like thousands of dollars kind of money for work that felt so service-based because I see this as such a place where we all need collective healing. We really demonize people making profits. Off of something that helps people, which is so strange.

So when you say it out loud, I'm like, do I need to say this a different way to clarify, but I'll tell you one of the things that is popping into my mind, and this is gonna sound super controversial, but like, we don't want pharmaceutical companies to make money for discovering life saving medication and manufacturing it and distributing it to people. And like, not to say that the industry is all good, but I also don't think it's all bad, but like, there's this real demonization of like, well, it's medicine and people need it, so shouldn't, they just get it and yes, we can make that argument. And it's interesting that that's the first place we go. But we're all totally fine with other industries making millions and billions for not even helping people really.

Kimberly: A hundred percent. It's like we made this agreement that the people who we want to have all the money and most of the power are like the people who we don't actually trust, at all. It's like, of course. Those people have billions, but like, it shouldn't be you, it shouldn't be me, it shouldn't be somebody who's, like, really invested in how big the world. And it's like, hold up. Seems weird. If I could choose, actually I would maybe flip that. There's no one I trust more with millions than the women who want to help other people and yet, there is such a feel. I even actually, I don't know if she'll listen to this or not, but I had Jassen toxic with my mom.

It was like, well, if you really cared, wouldn't you do this for free? I was like, well, then I could do like one. Fraction, maybe like one, a hundred of this work, because I'd have to go be at another job. In what universe would it make sense for me to do that? I am not supported. And then how am I actually even showing up? But that sense of, like deep care. And deep provision, like, couldn't go together. Even my mom who, like, definitely wants me to be able to make my own money.

Emily: Hi moms. We love you.

Kimberly: Yes. You know. I love you mom. And I just, you know, I got the sense that it just felt like some people were exempt from that critique. I don't think she has. You know, if the banker really wanted me to like, be able to get my money out, like, shouldn't, she just be like volunteering here and instead we're just like, that's normal. But because you care in this deep way, and you've done this deep dive into acquiring your own expertise, like it should be free. 

Emily: I just had this huge, profound realization around this just as we're talking. So is this, It's the reason that we fall into that is because we actually want the evil people to have money because it fits our evil money narrative. So that actually feels super comfortable to us. 

Kimberly: That makes so much science it's like, then we're like, we knew it. That does make you bad. We were right. All along and we'd rather be right about how evil money is then wealthy. And then I think this is where some kink and like shadow where it comes into, but it's like, then we don't really have to do anything.

It's like, well, okay. If that's just the way it is then, like, this big dream that I have, or this vision I have for how things could be, or this define responsibility that was like, put on my heart, like ma I can just like chill instead, because like world is already started and it's not good, but it's like, what can you do? Whereas if you think that it could change. If you feel like it's our job to, like, undo some of that patterning. Well, then it's like, okay, well, some big brave steps have to happen now.

Emily: 100%. Because like, we can stay safe and small. If we continue to demonize. The very thing that we want. Right? So as long as we're demonizing money and wealth, and like that just fits a paradigm that we like. And then we can also sort of have, like some self-righteousness around like the piousness of service.

Kimberly: Oh, my God. Totally, totally. I, one of the good ones will look at me suffering, which really was, God such an emo for me for so long. Let me prove. How miserable I am as if at the end of life, there's some trophy for, like, woman who got what she wanted least.

Emily: Kind of somehow like one more suffering. Sometimes it feels like that's actually, like, helpful to other people that are suffering. 

Kimberly: Right, right. I think that's like, a really. It's so helpful to hear that point, like pulled out because I, I do think that there was a part of me that wrestled with that of like, am I leaving people behind, you know, and like both in a sense of kind of like. One circle of like other academics who are, like never gonna kind of like, reach this level in this same way. And then like hav, wider circle of like the world at large, like I've spent 10 years studying, you know, trafficking victims and like, who am I to be able to go, like take a bath and a five-star hotel.

This feels so unfair. And I think that getting to the place where I saw the demonization of pleasure and the kind of struggle in general as like all part of the same spectrum. And then also saw it on a super practical note, the power of making money and being able to use it in ways that actually aligned with my values, like came together and changed my life because it was like, okay. Every moment that I feel about it, I'm disrupting a pattern globally of people like not getting to do this. And the more money I make, the more I can share it and like actually contribute to some of these causes that matter so much me.

Emily: Yes, absolutely. You know, like when I hear about your work, like you're the kind of person that I want to have millions of dollars in the bank account. You'll be such a good steward for that. And so that is part of us changing this paradigm and the idea of who gets to be wealthy and what it means to be wealthy. And as much as you have this huge mission for helping women, you also just bought a $50,000 purse. Right?

Kimberly: Right. It looks like everything got to be true at once. It was not quite that expensive, but. It's still, it was a moment. And like, I do think there is that sense of like, what is, you didn't have to choose, like, what have you got to have at all? And that there really is so much power in that, because I think even when I started opening up, you know, my mind to like, okay, well maybe it could be different. Maybe I am allowed to have some things. I don't think I ever thought it would be like, every desire is good. Every desire points you toward something important.

I don't know, even that so, felt too good to be true, but like this weekend for that purse to arrive and like at the same time, my trauma certification for coaches failing and to feel like, wait. Both of these guys to happen at once. Something that feels more like, oh my God, like service and something that feels like I've wanted a Chanel purse for so long. Just, I don't know that sense of. You said, getting to have it all. And I know that that's, you know, that so much, what your work is about of, like, okay, let's disrupt some of these patterns of like fake trade-offs that we did not agree to actually.

Emily: And so, you know, you had kind of mentioned to me beforehand that, you know, some of your favorite work that sort of this intersection of intimacy with money is around sex magic. And I read that and I was like, yes. And like, that's gonna be a little edge for me to talk about this on here. So, but I'll let you talk about it.

Kimberly: Okay. It's like the best topic I've actually, once you said it too, it was like, VB for Halloween, we need like a sex magic, like a master class or something, but there is something kind of basic in a way, and like, probably so connected to what so many of your listeners are doing already, but that gets to just get amplified and like sexed up a little bit. And then, process of, like dropping into your body and using pleasure. To connect, like even more deeply with yourself, you know, I've actually had clients, I've worked with some clients who like never had an orgasm or felt like that part of them was just totally in a way like off limits and then a title clients where things just have changed, you know, which is so normal. And yet, like I think nobody talks about it with us that like, you're gonna go through these different phases with your body. 

So just that like coming back in and finding more and more of like, okay, this is what like, turns me on and it makes me feel good. All of this. I know. So touchy, feely, like literally, like feeling yourself, but when I have clients or when I am, like trying to step into a new level and I pair it with the energy of orgasm and like sensuality and coming home to myself, it is so powerful. So you will love this. This is like made for us and paid for this interview. When I was really trying to heal my money story, I withdrew a thousand dollars from the bank, which I get that time. That was probably like most of what was in my bank account. And I took it out in bills and I put it on the bed and had an orgasm on it. And it was like my way of seeing, like money. Gets to be linked to pleasure. It does not have to be this kind of, like taboo, dirty thing. It gets to you like something that romances me. 

Then I remember taking some pictures of the, like cash on the bed and being anchor in this moment. And I do think that that's something. I mean, partly because it's so fun and this also gets to be playful, but it's something I would really encourage, like anybody listening to do, just to be like, I'm reclaiming this relationship, both, like with my body and with money. And then the other piece, which is, like, a little bit less time-intensive in a way, is just to really lock in the feeling of what you want and having what you want. So, like,for me, I've been doing this a lot lately with my. Okay. What would the hundred thousand dollar months feel like? What would it be like to just like cross that threshold to, and to try to really lock in that feeling like, as you're having pleasure, whether you're having sex with a partner or you're pleasuring yourself, or just kind of like in the bathtub, like having a really goddessy moment, you know, and definitely.

When it's time and fireworks are going off in here, like having your climax experience, just like really locking it in. I was like, this gets to be me receiving sometimes I'm like, thank you universe, you know, like right. And not love it. And I feel like it gets to be one of the ways that we can disrupt a lot of that conditioning.

Not like pleasure is bad, money is bad. You just get to combine them both and be like, actually my body begs to differ. Everything is good right now. 

Emily: Yes. Thank you so much for describing that because it's true. And I had heard a little bit about, like orgasmic manifestation and things like that. I don't know, maybe over the last few years, and to be honest, like there was always. And internal eye-roll. And what I realized now is that it's because I still was so unhealed in my hard money wound. I needed money to be hard to come from effort. And so the idea of, like calling in more money through orgasm was just like, oh please.

Kimberly: Right. 

Emily: And so it's like, Yes, there are still pragmatic things that we do to bring in money, like without a doubt, but we are already very conditioned in those.

Kimberly: Right.

Emily: So the idea around using pleasure is to recondition that money can be easy, that it can feel incredible, that it can be pleasurable, that it's safe to have desires. And, I kind of see orgasm as like, it opens up this portal, it's opening up this like pleasure portal. It's this moment where you're just in complete surrender and you can sort of like put things into that portal, right? You can put your manifestation in there.

Kimberly: Totally a hundred percent. 

Emily: So, I just love it for that bet deconditioning that money has to be hard. And then, like you said, it's sort of this, this re anchoring and repatterning of money with pleasure.

Kimberly: And it's so huge. I mean, it's a fun way to also feel like you got to have an intimacy with your money, which I think for me was another big piece of healing that needed to happen because I felt like money was dangerous and it might contaminate me sort of. So like, just keep it really far away. Even when I had a little bit, I liked, didn't always know how much or like where it was or what it was up to. It was like, well, I don't really want to talk to you. And I feel like using pleasure. Can be such a way to like lay or self get closer to money. 

Emily: I, that's such a great point because like, and I talked to clients about this too, but when we personify our relationship with money. It's like often it's like either we're being like the nagging spouse we're telling money, like when it needs to be here, where it needs to go, what it needs to do. We know, like the, find my phone tracker, so we know where it's at at all times, or we're giving it the cold shoulder or there's a booty call and we enjoy it for a minute. And then we feel all this shame and guilt afterwards.

Kimberly: Exactly.

Emily: Or we're just really afraid that it's gonna abandon us.

Kimberly: Right..

Emily: So I really liked that you brought that into it too, because we do want to have a more healthy and secure relationship with money. And so, actually just even visualizing it. When you're doing something pleasurable can be a radical act of self-love and of, like extending the olive branch to money in a sense like, man, like I put all kinds of craziness on you and I'm like ready to start a new relationship.

Kimberly: I love that. I was even thinking the other day. It's kind of a funny story about one of my clients. Decided to pay in full for the rest of her year of private coaching with me. And she had been paying monthly and she sent me this note in a box, or like just paid. And I wrote back like, yay! I love getting paid. And I was thinking like, I wouldn't have said that a few years ago. I mean, I did still love it. I like, would be like, oh my God, yay! Manna from heaven. I finally got paid, but I don't think, I could have owned it. I could have think, that I could have spent that. I think I would've worried. Whoa! like what is she gonna think you just said he loved getting paid.

But now it just feels it's just so true. I was like, yay! like this feels so good. And in a way, I think so much of both of our work. I mean, it might sound a little crazy, but it's just like getting back to these basics. I'm like, Why do I want? What feels good? Who am I? These are questions that should not be so hard, but these really are like, they're so hard. And just having someone who can help be like, here's how you figure out whereabouts, who you are and what you want, it's like so nice.

Emily: No, it's so true. And, and I love all of your work around this, and I wanna  just, you know invite you to share where you're hanging out on the internet so that everyone that's listening can get connected with you as well. I'm on Kimberly's email list and you know, she sends out a lot of incredible free resources. You do a lot of free master classes. In addition to your paid programs, you also have like, a coaches like trauma sort of training like certification. So I feel like there are so many incredible things happening in your world, and I wanna make sure that people can get plugged in with you.

Kimberly: That is so amazing. You know, actually that reminds me of another thing that I know is true for both of us, which is like the more money we've made, the more we've been able to give for free in terms of our content. And I think that that was another piece that, like, didn't always connect for me that like more could equal more also, even as prices could go higher and it could mean more like is available. But, I thank you for this invitation. It's so generous. And now I love sharing. I have a free Facebook group, which is probably the perfect place to just, like, collect everything. And it's called "Pleasure is Power". So you'll remember it. It's also a good life motto.

Emily: Yes.

Kimberly: And everybody is logged them there. And then I'm on Instagram too, as Dr. Kimberly Rose. So I would love to stay connected. Honestly, I feel like we can have this podcast episode, like every week, because there's just so much to say about how these things are connected and I know we have more. 

Emily: Yes. I know. Maybe there'll be a part two. So everyone listening, like tag, Kimberly and I with, what you thought about the episode, what your key takeaways were, and if you want to hear it from us in a part two, let us know that as well. So on that note, thank you so much, Kimberly. Thank you to everyone listening and we'll see you next time.

Thank you so much for listening to today's show. Changing the way we think, feel and talk about money will change the world. I truly believe that. It starts with you tuning in and it spreads when you share this show on Instagram and Facebook and tag me at Em Makes Money. And you know, what moves the needle the most. Taking just a minute to leave a five star review on iTunes. 

This show isn't free to produce. So let's multiply those dollars invested to help the show reach a bigger audience each week. Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it. And lastly, if you want more connection, more Em Makes Money style riffs, and a safe place on the internet to talk about money, jump into my free Facebook group, the money club. It's linked in the show notes. Until next time, I'm wishing you health, happiness, and boatloads of money.